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| Home / College Guide / Without their voices, I’m starting to see myself for who I am and am gaining c |
| Posted on Thursday, August 22 @ 00:00:08 PDT |
The biggest thing is that I don’t see myself as fat anymore.
Ever since I can remember, they’ve called me fat.
When I got hungry when I was 3, I was too afraid to ask for food so I ate the cat’s.
My sister started the nickname ‘Kelly-Relly with a big fat belly’. (Idc about covering my name up anymore on here. I’m free)
Then one of my older cousins made a song up about it and sang it all one 4th of July weekend while the entire family on my mom’s side was camping out. She has 12 brothers and sisters and I have almost 60 cousins on that side.
Suddenly, at every family function, the song was sung.
My mom would drag me along to modeling agencies that she wanted my sister and herself to get signed to. Not me. I was excluded. I think it was some way to attempt to motivate me to want to be more like them.
My sister is 5’3 and still a size 00 after 3 kids with size D tits and is 5 years older than me.
I got sober a year ago August 3rd, realized their abuse (which is numerous but I’m focusing on my break through over the last few weeks) and cut contact before my birthday in April.
I’m a size 10 and I have been ever since I was 11 which may have been big for an 11yo but who didn’t have to grow into themselves?
Anyway, I once wore shorts around my mother and she told me to never wear them again - ppl would make fun of me.
When I graduated college, I finally had the balls to buy 2 pairs but it hasn’t been until recently that I have been wearing them (graduated about 5 years ago). I’ve been going to a therapist and a psychiatrist and they have given me the brain space I have been striving for all my life to analyze myself not based on the judgements of my family.
The difference even in this short of time is evident - my boss even brought up how body positive I am when talking to a colleague and how great it was to see in someone. It struck me - I honestly don’t believe I’m fat anymore.
What a difference almost 5 months of NC and therapy can do.
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