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| Cant Qualify for LTC? Life Settlements Can Be the Answer |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (21 reads) | |
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life insurance
by lisa rehburg
long term care insurance is important to protect a client’s family and assets should they need care. But what if they wait too late, and they cannot qualify for long term care insurance coverage? What if they need assisted living, memory care or in-home care now or in the near future? How are they going to fund those needs? Life insurance settlements can be the answer for you and your client.
briefly, a life insurance settlement is the sale of a life insurance policy for a lump sum of cash. Similar to selling a car, the seller will receive a lump sum of cash and sign the ownership of the life insurance policy to the buyer. The buyer will pay the premiums and receive the death benefit when the client passes away. For the buyer, it is an investment.
all types of life insurance policies can be sold, including term policies. Here are some recent clients who sold their policies to fund long term care needs:
recent client examples
client #1 – $150,000 annual renewable term policy.
the policy is no longer convertible to a permanent policy. The premiums are $750 each month – $9,000 per year and are going to continue to go up each year. The client is in assisted living, and lives only on social security. The policy was sold for $20,000, which gave the client the liquidity needed to be more comfortable. In addition, the client saves $750 per month, giving him additional cash flow for care expenses. $3500 commission was paid to the insurance agent.
client #2 – $450,000 universal life policy with no cash in it.
the premiums are $24,000 per year to continue the policy. The client is in assisted living. The family could no longer afford the premiums. They thought their only option was to let the policy lapse, walking away with zero. The opening offer for the policy was $10,000. By marketing the policy and leveraging the buyers, the final closing offer was $185,000, giving the client much needed funds for assisted living, plus an additional $24,000 in cash flow from no more premium payments. The advisor received $17,500 commission.
client 3 – $750,000 universal life policy with little cash in the policy.
the client needed home care, and the premiums were getting expensive – $60,000 per year to continue the policy. The opening offer was $150,000, and by the time the policy was fully marketed, the closing offer was $370,000. This money allowed the client to pay off the balance of her home loan, which was very important to her, and have enough to receive the home care support that she and her family needed. In addition, they receive $60,000 per year in premium savings. The agent received $25,000 commission.
in each of these instances, the clients received much more money than lapsing or surrendering their policies, and gave them the resources they need to make life more comfortable.
“life insurance settlements can be the answer for you and your client.”
besides helping their client, the agents and advisor received another revenue source in the commission paid on the sale. Win for the client – win for the agent/advisor.
these scenarios are not unique, in that life insurance settlements are here to give clients more money than lapsing or surrendering their policies. The money clients receive can be used for anything. In these examples, it was used for health care needs. In reality, the money clients have received have been used for things to help keep them comfortable and improve quality of life, such as paying down debt, saving more for retirement, travelling, funding a grandchild’s college education, or purchasing an annuity.
the life settlement process
selling a life insurance policy does take awhile, on average 3 – 5 months, so planning ahead is essential. Life insurance settlements are not a short term solution for long term care funding, rather a longer term solution.
the process starts with an application (no application fee and no cost to find out how much a policy may be worth). It takes about 60 – 90 days to properly market a policy. Medical records need to be obtained, which can take a while, and the buyers need time for their review. Additional time is needed to leverage buyers to obtain the maximum amount for clients.
if a client receives no offer for some reason, or the offer is too low, and the client is not interested – they simply walk away, so there is no downside to looking at how much a policy may bring a client. Once an offer is received, and the client wishes to move forward, it takes about one month before they have their money.
regulation and client protections
the life insurance settlement market has been legal since 1911 (in a supreme court decision for grigsby v. Russell), and is highly regulated by the departments of insurance (doi) across the country. Compliance is mandatory and stringent. The sale contracts contain mandated language by the doi, and the contracts must be approved by the doi before they can be used with clients.
in addition, beneficiaries must sign a release that they know the policy is being sold and they will not be receiving the policy benefit. A letter must also be signed by a client’s doctor that they are of sound mind to complete this transaction. If they do not have capacity, a client’s power of attorney can conclude the transaction on the client’s behalf. In other words, there are much compliance and many safeguards are in place to protect clients.
the policies we sell are only sold through doi approved “providers” in each state. These providers are the legal entities that have undergone much scrutiny to be sure that they are financially sound and have hipaa protections in place.
providers purchase policies on behalf of their clients, which are mostly institutional money: hedge funds, mutual funds, college endowment funds, pension funds, banks, etc. These investors take a slice of their billions of dollars in their portfolios and invest them in life insurance policies for the returns, but also for diversification. Life insurance policies are not tied to the stock market, the bond market, or any other asset class, so they are truly a non-correlated asset, giving these investors the diversification that they need.
the bottom line
the bottom line is that in the end, everybody wins. The client wins with receiving more money than they would have by letting the policy go. The investor wins with an additional investment in their portfolio. And, the agent or advisor wins with additional revenue – commission from the sale and the potential for additional product sales for their client or client’s spouse.
for example, perhaps the client can no longer qualify for long term care insurance, but the healthier spouse can, and now there is funding to pay for the policy.
in conclusion, life insurance settlements can be a good financial solution for clients any time they are going to lapse or surrender a policy but can be an especially important solution if they cannot qualify for long term care insurance and need funding to help with long term care expenses.
click here to visit!
lisa rehburg
for more than 30 years, lisa rehburg has been working with insurance brokers, financial advisors, and clients across the country. She has held executive roles at carriers, general agencies, and third-party administrators (tpas).
rehburg life insurance settlements
www.Rehburglifesettlements.Com
714-349-7981
email me!
featured in our november 2026 issue page 22 – click here to download! |
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| Candidate Profile: Peggy Flanagan for U.S. Senate |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (11 reads) | |
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Candidate profile:
party: democratic-farmer-labor
age: 47
previous experience: lt. Gov. (Dfl-mn, 2019-present), member, minnesota house of representatives (dfl-mn, 2015-2019)
campaign priorities: affordability, bolstering financial aid, revising trump-implemented policy
peggy flanagan knows what it is like to carry the burden of student debt. She did not finish paying off her own student loans until her second year as minnesota’s lt. Gov., 18 years after she graduated from the university of minnesota.
“that was twenty years ago, and i know the financial aid crisis our students are going through now is even worse than when i was a student,” flanagan said.
while college affordability has been a rising concern for decades, it has approached crisis levels for a growing number of students. In minnesota, programs such as the north star promise and north star promise plus grants, in effect since 2024, have helped close financial aid gaps for some low-income students. But continued tuition hikes, rising student need and state budget shortfalls have continued to strain minnesota’s financial aid system, threatening the promise program and prompting a suspension of the promise plus program.
adding to these affordability challenges, president donald trump’s one big beautiful bill act has pushed college further out of reach for more minnesota students, restricting access to student loans, reducing pell grant eligibility and tightening snap work requirements.
flanagan wants to reverse these changes.
“there are students who now are at risk of not being able to pay their bills, keep food on the table,” flanagan said. “I talk to students who are working a full-time job while taking a full-time load, because that is the only way to make it all work.”
on the campaign trail, flanagan has described her childhood as one sometimes kept afloat by her mother’s sacrifices and government financial support. The supplemental nutrition assistance program helped her mother, who sometimes skipped meals for herself, put food on the table. Medicaid helped with healthcare. Subsidized housing helped keep a roof over their heads.
while those programs helped her family withstand financially challenging times, she wants to build a system that ensures no one goes hungry just to feed the rest of their family.
flanagan’s cradle-to-career philosophy: “students don’t come in pieces.”
“restoring the cuts to medicaid and snap are at the top of my list, because i know that they’ve been devastating to minnesota, and that there are students, of course, who absolutely struggle with food insecurity,” flanagan said.
she also hopes to take programs such as the north star promise nationwide.
but she wants to go much further than that. Her goal is to ensure that children from all income levels and zip codes have equitable access to food, shelter, healthcare – and the education they need to build careers. Flanagan says getting there will require medicare for all, universal childcare, fully funding the individuals with disabilities education act and an overhaul of the department of education.
it is part of what she calls her cradle-to-career approach, replacing piecemeal policies with a sustainable continuum of support for families and children, because students do not come in pieces.
a rollback of trump-era tax cuts
when asked how the u.S. Can pay for such sweeping programs, given the national debt, flanagan, who has been endorsed by fellow progressives sens. Bernie sanders and elizabeth warren, says it is all about prioritizing the health and well-being of everyone over fighting unnecessary wars or enriching the already-wealthy.
“it is all about priorities,” she told an audience assembled at coffman union in october. “Rolling those tax breaks back for the folks at the very, very top who don’t need them, stopping this illegal war in iran … and focusing on working families.”
“i know who i am”
flanagan’s father, native land rights activist marvin manypenny, was a member of the white earth reservation. Although he and flanagan’s mother separated before she was born, flanagan told author james grissom that her mother enrolled her in her father’s tribe — but it was her time at the university of minnesota that helped her more fully embrace and explore her native identity.
“i walked into a classroom, intro to american indian studies, with professor brenda child at the front of the classroom. It was the first time i saw a native american professor. She was ojibwe, and i was ojibwe, and it really was a game changer for me,” she said.
yet, flanagan, who was raised in st. Louis park by her white mother, has had media stories recently suggest that her ojibwe heritage is fabricated or exaggerated for political gain. When asked about this, flanagan had a short response.
“i know who i am,” flanagan said. “Our indigenous students know who they are. Nobody gets to decide who you are but you.” |
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| Fayetteville Tech professor pleads guilty in $150,000 COVID loan fraud case |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (7 reads) | |
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Fayetteville tech professor pleads guilty in $150,000 covid loan fraud case
a fayetteville technical community college professor has pleaded guilty to conspiring to commit wire fraud in a case involving a $150,000 federal covid loan, according to the u.S. Attorney’s office for the eastern district of north carolina.
prosecutors say pamela humphrey, 44, of robeson county, submitted a false application for a small business administration economic injury disaster loan. The application included false information about her business’s number of employees and gross revenue, officials said.
after the loan was approved, the $150,000 was deposited into a personal account controlled by humphrey, according to prosecutors. She also faces a $150,000 forfeiture money judgment.
humphrey faces a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison and a $1 million fine. Her sentencing is scheduled for later this year.
the fbi and irs criminal investigation investigated the case. |
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| Artsbridge calendar of events Nov. 3-9 - Marietta Times |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (12 reads) | |
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Trending
today, election day
story time, infants through pre-k, 10:15-11:15 a.M., Barlow branch library
clay technique for kids, grades 1-6, 4-5:30 p.M., Parkersburg art center
open mic night, 7-9 p.M., Stuart’s opera house, nelsonville
wednesday:
walking through the books, all ages, 9-10 a.M., Barlow branch library
story hour, ages 3-7, 10-11 a.M., Marietta public library
wee be jammin’ storytime, birth-3, 10:30-11:30 a.M., South parkersburg public library
geppetto woodcarvers open carve, 11 a.M. To 4 p.M., Woodcraft of parkersburg, 4420 emerson ave., Parkersburg
friends of the library book club sale, noon to 2 p.M., Parkersburg public library
story hour, ages 3-7, 1-2 p.M., Marietta public library
smart cookies afterschool program, ages 5-12, 3:30-5:30 p.M., Marietta public library
dungeons and dragons club, grades 5-12, 4-5:30 p.M., Barlow branch library
teens only game night, ages 12-18, 4-5:45 p.M., Belpre public library
thursday:
pre-lit story time, ages 3-5, 10:30-11:30 a.M., Beverly branch public library
kids home school hangout, youth 2-3 p.M., Belpre public library
teen home school hangout, ages 12+, 3-4 p.M., Belpre public library
junior ally club, grades 2-4, 3:45-5 p.M., Barlow branch library
alembic jazz trio, 6 p.M., Parkersburg public library
friday
toddler time, ages 18 months to 3 years, 10-11 a.M., Marietta public library
preschool prep storytime, ages 3-5. 10:30-11:30 a.M., Belpre public library
discovering history: music of the women of the civil war, noon to 1 p.M., Campus martius museum and ohio river museum
preschool picasso, ages 3-5, 12:30-2 p.M., Parkersburg art center
family film friday, 3-6 p.M., Beverly branch public library
gaming hour, ages 8-18, 4-5:30 p.M., Barlow branch library
adult board game night, 5-6 p.M., Parkersburg public library
first friday: flannel fest, 5-9 p.M., Downtown marietta
mid-ohio valley signer’s club, 6-9 p.M., Jeremiah’s coffee house, marietta
pop-art pet portraits, ages 14+, two sessions, 6-9 p.M., Parkersburg art center
holiday tree lighting, 6-8 p.M., Grand central mall
rodney atkins, 8 p.M., Peoples bank theatre, marietta
saturday:
american battlefield traveling american revolution exhibit, point park, parkersburg
scout day at campus martius museum, 9:30 a.M., Campus martius museum and ohio river museum
mid-ohio valley heritage quilt show, 11 a.M. To 5 p.M., Blennerhassett museum of regional history, 137 juliana st., Parkersburg
pumpkin chuckin’ 2026, 3-5:30 p.M., Washington state college of ohio
parkersburg homecoming dinner and silent auction with owen schmitt, 5 p.M., Center on market, parkersburg
consumer credit counseling service mystery show game of loans, 6 p.M., Grand pointe conference center, vienna
sunday:
american battlefield traveling american revolution exhibit, point park, parkersburg
a very merry maker’s market 2026, 10 a.M., Parkersburg high school
mid-ohio valley heritage quilt show, 11 a.M. To 5 p.M., Blennerhassett museum of regional history, 137 juliana st., Parkersburg
artsbridge winter music series, elvis tribute, 2-3 p.M., Grand central mall
flower patch assemblage, teens and adults, 3-5 p.M., Parkersburg art center
purse bingo, 3 p.M., Parkersburg art center
monday:
american battlefield traveling american revolution exhibit, point park, parkersburg
baby buddies playgroup, 0-18 months with caregiver, 10-11 a.M., Marietta public library
story time, infants through pre-k, 10:15-11:15 a.M., Barlow branch library
mid-ohio valley heritage quilt show, 11 a.M. To 5 p.M., Blennerhassett museum of regional history, 137 juliana st., Parkersburg
blood drive at stuart’s opera house, noon to 6 p.M., Stuart’s opera house, nelsonville
bookapalooza and gift extravaganza author event, 5 p.M., Parkersburg public library
hand building pottery, session 2, 6-8:30 p.M., Parkersburg art center |
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| PCB | Wang: Molecular Basis of Transcription and Transcription-coupled Repair |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (12 reads) | |
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dci equity diversity & inclusion
dean of humanities
decolonizing global health working group
deep tech initiative
deman (duke entertainment, media and arts network)
department of anesthesiology
department of dermatology
department of family medicine and community health
department of head and neck surgery & communication sciences
department of medicine
department of neurology
department of neurosurgery
department of obstetrics and gynecology
department of ophthalmology
department of orthopaedic surgery
department of pediatrics
department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences
department of radiation oncology
department of radiology
department of religion
department of religious studies
department of surgery
department of urology
developmental and stem cell biology program
dewitt wallace center for media and democracy
dghi uganda srt team
dhts web services
diversify it
divinity school
divinity school academic programs
divinity school duke center for reconciliation
divinity school institute on care at the end of life
divinity school leadership education
divinity school office of black church studies
divinity school thriving communities in the carolinas
division of abdominal transplant surgery
division of cardiology
division of cardiovascular and thoracic surgery
division of child development and behavioral health
division of clinical pharmacology
division of emergency medicine
division of endocrinology, metabolism, and nutrition
division of gastroenterology
division of general internal medicine
division of general surgery
division of geriatrics
division of hematologic malignancies and cellular therapy
division of hematology
division of infectious diseases
division of medical genetics
division of medical oncology
division of metabolic and weight loss surgery
division of neonatology
division of nephrology
division of otolaryngology-head and neck surgery
division of pediatric allergy and immunology
division of pediatric blood and marrow transplantation
division of pediatric cardiology
division of pediatric critical care medicine
division of pediatric dentistry
division of pediatric endocrinology
division of pediatric gastroenterology, hepatology and nutrition
division of pediatric general surgery
division of pediatric hematology-oncology
division of pediatric hospital and emergency medicine
division of pediatric infectious diseases
division of pediatric medical genetics
division of pediatric nephrology
division of pediatric neurodevelopment
division of pediatric neurology
division of pediatric pulmonary and sleep medicine
division of pediatric rheumatology
division of plastic, maxillofacial, and oral surgery
division of primary care pediatrics
division of pulmonary, allergy, and critical care medicine
division of quantitative sciences
division of rheumatology and immunology
division of speech pathology and audiology
division of surgical sciences
division of trauma and critical care surgery
division of vascular surgery
duarts
du press
duke advancement of nursing center of excellence (dance)
duke ahead
duke air force rotc detachment 585
duke alumni association (daa)
duke alumni engagement and development
duke arts create
duke brazil initiative
duke campus farm
duke cancer genetics and genomics
duke cancer institute
duke catholic center
duke center for applied genomics and precision medicine
duke center for brain and spine metastasis
duke center for genomic and computational biology (gcb)
duke center for global mental health (duke cgmh)
duke center for health informatics
duke center for healthcare safety and quality
duke center for human genetics
duke center for international business education and research (ciber)
duke center for international development (dcid)
duke center for reach equity
duke center for research in autoimmunity and multiple sclerosis
duke center for teaching and learning (ctl)
duke center for the genomics of microbial systems (gems)
duke center for truth, racial healing & transformation (duke trht center)
duke chapel
duke clergy & religion research collaborative
duke clinical and translational science award (ctsa)
duke clinical and translational science institute (ctsi)
duke clinical research institute (dcri)
duke college advising corps (dcac)
duke community affairs
duke consortium on social equity
duke council on race and ethnicity (dcore)
duke credit union
duke digital humanities initiative
duke digital initiative (ddi)
duke digital media community
duke dining services (dds)
duke drilling, environment and economics network (deen)
duke epigenetics and epigenomics program (deep)
duke eye center
duke faculty club
duke financial economics center (dfe)
duke forest
duke global health innovation center
duke global health institute (dghi)
duke health ai evaluation & governance (e&g) program
duke health and well-being
duke health development and alumni affairs strategic events
duke health interprofessional education and care center i.P.E.C
duke herbarium
duke human rights center (dhrc)
duke human rights center at the franklin humanities institute (dhrc@fhi)
duke human rights coalition (dhrc)
duke human vaccine institute (dhvi)
duke ideas-information, technology and culture
duke initiative for science & society
duke initiative on survey methodology (dism)
duke initiatives in theology and the arts
duke innovation & entrepreneurship
duke institute for brain sciences (dibs)
duke institute for health innovation
duke integrative immunobiology
duke integrative medicine
duke interdisciplinary initiative in social psychology (diisp)
duke international student center
duke in dc
duke islamic studies center
duke language central
duke law international human rights clinic
duke learning innovation
duke learning innovation & lifetime education
duke lemur center
duke life flight
duke life office
duke-margolis institute for health policy
duke materials initiative
duke medicine development and alumni affairs (dmdaa)
duke medicine information security office
duke medicine orchestra (dmo)
duke microbiome center
duke microfinance leadership initiative (dmli)
duke mobile app gateway
duke molecular physiology institute
duke network analysis center (dnac)
duke office for external partnerships (oep)
duke office for translation & commercialization (otc)
duke office of civic engagement (doce)
duke office of clinical research (docr)
duke office of dku relations
duke office of pre-law advising
duke office of research initiatives
duke office of scientific integrity (dosi)
duke palliative care
duke pathologists assistants
duke performances
duke physician assistant program
duke population research institute (dupri)
duke precision medicine program
duke program in american values and institutions
duke quantum center
duke regeneration center
duke regional hospital
duke restore
duke service-learning
duke society-centered ai initiative
duke space initiative
duke string school
duke student wellness
duke symphony orchestra (dso)
duke talent identification program (tip)
duke teaching observatory (dto)
duke technology scholars program (dtech)
duke toastmasters club
duke university box office
duke university center for international and global studies
duke university health system (duhs)
duke university middle east studies center
duke university mycology research unit (mru)
duke university naacp
duke university naval reserve officer training corps (duke nrotc)
duke university police (dup)
duke university postdoctoral association (dupa)
duke visa services
duke water network
dukeengage
dukereach
dukewell
duson community health improvement partnership program
e.O. Wilson biodiversity foundation
economics
edge: center for energy, development and the global environment
education and human development incubator (ehdi)
electrical and computer engineering (ece)
employee resource/affinity group
engineering graduate student programs & services (gsps)
engineering master’s career services and professional development
english
enterprising leadership initiative (eli)
ethnography workshop
evolutionary anthropology
experimental film lab
facilities management department (fmd)
faculty womens network and caucus
faculty write
financial education partnership (fep)
first-year experience, trinity college (fye)
fitzpatrick institute for photonics (fip)
focus program
forest history society
forum for scholars and publics
franklin humanities institute (fhi)
fraternity & sorority life
from harlem to hamburg
full frame documentary film festival
fuqua center for innovation and entrepreneurship (cei)
fuqua center for technology, entertainment and media (ctem)
fuquas office of diversity and inclusion
fuqua school of business
fuqua school of business, finance
fuqua speaks
gender, sexuality, and feminist studies
german studies
global admin and travel support (gats)
global advising
global asia initiative
global brazil humanities lab
global education office for undergraduates
global financial markets center at duke law
global inequality research initiative (giri)
global jewish modernization
gothic bookshop
graduate communications and intercultural programs - pratt school of engineering
graduate liberal studies
graduate medical education
graduate school
harmony humanities lab
hart leadership program
hartman center for sales, advertising & marketing history
hastac
health humanities lab (hhl)
health professions advising (hpa)
health, wellness, physical education and campus recreation
healthy duke
hematology case conference 2023
history
history of medicine collections
homegrown
house courses
housing and residence life (hrl)
human resources (hr)
human resources benefits
humanities labs@fhi
humanities writ large
humanities unbounded
india initiative
information initiative at duke (iid)
information science + studies (iss)
innovation co-lab
institute for critical theory
institute for genome sciences & policy (igsp)
integrated toxicology & environmental health (itehp)
interdisciplinary graduate education collaboratives (igec)
internal medicine residency program
international comparative studies (ics)
international masters of environmental policy - imep
ion channel research unit (icru)
jazz at the mary lou
jewish life at duke
john hope franklin center (jhfc)
karsh international scholars
kenan institute for ethics
keohane distinguished visiting professorship
language, arts & media program
language central
latino/a studies
law school
law school alumni
law school career
law school faculty
law school-public interest law foundation
learning & organization development (l&od)
lgbtq faculty/staff affinity group
libraries
lifelong learning
linguistics
literature
live for life (lfl)
living policy forum (lpf)
machine learning
mandel center for hypertension and atherosclerosis
manuscript migration lab
markets and management studies (mms)
martin luther king, jr. Celebration
mary lou williams center for black culture
master of biomedical sciences program
master of engineering in cybersecurity
master of engineering in financial technology
master of engineering in game design and development and innovation
master of engineering management program (memp)
master of fine arts in experimental & documentary arts (mfaeda)
master of management in clinical informatics (mmci)
materials science and engineering
mathematics
mechanical engineering and materials science (mems)
media arts & sciences
medical center library
medical imaging training program
medical physics graduate program
medical scientist training program (mstp)
medieval and renaissance studies
medmentors
medx
mhealth@duke
military science army rotc
molecular cancer biology (mcb)
molecular genetics and microbiology (mgm)
mosaic
multicultural advancement activities
multiscale immune systems modeling (mism)
music
nasher museum of art
national center for child traumatic stress (nccts)
neurobiology
neurohumanities research group
new student programs
new student & family programs
nicholas institute for energy, environment and sustainability
nicholas school of the environment-office of development & alumni relations
nicholas school-career services
nicholas school-duke environmental leadership program (del)
nicholas school-earth & ocean sciences
nicholas school-enrollment services
nicholas school-marine lab
nicholas school-miscellaneous events
observatory on europe
oceans@duke
occupational and environmental safety office (oeso)
office for institutional equity (oie)
office for research and innovation
office hours
office of animal welfare assurance (oawa)
office of campus research development
office of climate and sustainability
office of durham and community affairs
office of dku programs
office of export controls
office of faculty advancement (ofa)
office of global affairs
office of global and community health initiatives
office of global strategy and programs
office of government relations duhs
office of health professions advising
office of information technology (oit)
office of interdisciplinary programs
office of physician-scientist development (opsd)
office of postdoctoral services
office of prehealth advising
office of regulatory affairs and quality
office of research administration (ora)
office of research support (ors)
office of student conduct
office of the chancellor for health affairs (duhs)
office of the executive vice president
office of the provost - finance and administration
office of the university president
office of undergraduate scholars & fellows (ousf)
operation smile
organization for tropical studies (ots)
oue - experiential education
ousf - nationally competitive scholarship events
paralegal certificate program
parent and family programs
parking and transportation
pathology
pathways at duke
pauli murray project
pelvic medicine
personal finance@duke
pharmacology and cancer biology
phd lab in digital knowledge
phd plus professional development program
phi sigma pi national honors fraternity (psp)
philosophy
philosophy, politics and economics program (ppe)
physics
policy and organizational management program
polis: center for politics
political science
population health sciences
pratt human resources (hr)
pratt school of engineering
prattically speaking toastmasters club
prebusiness advising (pbao)
precision genomics colaboratory
pregraduate advising
prelaw advising
preston robert tisch brain tumor center
program for advanced research in the social sciences (pariss)
program ii
program in cell and molecular biology
program in education
program in latino/a studies in the global south
program in the study of sexualities
promise study - peer network
provosts office
psychology and neuroscience
public affairs & government relations
publishing humanities initiative
qbio
revaluing care lab
regeneration next
reginaldo howard scholars
registrars office
religious observances
renci center at duke university
representing migration humanities lab
reproductive sciences division
research administration
research career development programs
research computing
research for indigenous studies & engagement in the us (rise-us)
research network on racial and ethnic inequality (the network)
research on the education and development of youth (redy)
resile
rethinking diplomacy program (rdp)
robertson scholars
robertson scholars leadership program
romance studies
rubenstein fellows academy
samuel dubois cook center on social equity (the cook center)
sanford school of public policy
sarah p. Duke gardens
sarah w. Stedman nutrition and metabolism center
scholars in molecular medicine
scholarworks
school of medicine - office of biomedical graduate education
school of medicine (som)
school of medicine alumni affairs
school of medicine faculty development
school of medicine office of research mentoring
school of medicine-office of biomedical graduate diversity (obgd)
school of medicine-office of diversity & inclusion
school of medicine-office of equity diversity and inclusion
school of nursing (son)
school of nursing womens health organization (duson who)
science policy program at duke
service-learning program
sexual and gender minority health program
shakespeare
shared materials instrumentation facility (smif)
slavic and eurasian studies
slippage
social entrepreneurship accelerator at duke (sead)
social movements lab
social practice lab
social science research institute (ssri)
sociology
sophomore spark
sophomore year experience (sye)
special events and university ceremonies
spire fellows
ssri initiative on qualitative ethnographic and mixed methods (siqem)
stanford school career services
stargazing devils astronomy club (sdac)
statistical science
story lab @ franklin humanities institute
structural biology & biophysics (sbb)
student affairs
student affairs staff
student loans
sustainable duke
teaching support network (tsn)
text a librarian
the duke center on risk
the ideals office (som)
the mastercard foundation scholars program
the vis group
the working group on eurasia (wge)
theater studies
thompson writing program
transformative ideas
translating duke health
trent center for bioethics, humanities & history of medicine
triangle center for evolutionary medicine (tricem)
triangle center on terrorism and homeland security
triangle institute for security studies (tiss)
triangle materials research science & engineering center (mrsec)
trinity college
trinity college academic calendar
trinity scholars
tunl seminar series
undergraduate admissions
undergraduate education
undergraduate financial aid
undergraduate research support office
university center activities & events (ucae)
university communications
university development office
university it security office
university program in genetics & genomics (upgg)
university scholars program
university secretary
veterans programs
vice president for research
vice provost for faculty advancement
vice provost for interdisciplinary studies
vice provost for international affairs
vice provost for the arts
visualizing cities
washington duke inn & golf club
wisenet integrative graduate education and research training (igert)
wilson center for science and justice at duke law
womens center
womens institute for secondary education and research @ duke (wiser)
world food policy center
writing studio
[+data science (+ds), a.B. Duke memorial scholarship, academic advising center (aac), academic guides, academic resource center (arc), acts2 at duke, africa initiative, african and african american studies (aaas), ai for understanding and designing materials (aim) program, ai health, ai support hub, alliance for interdisciplinary innovation in computing education (aiice), alumni career and professional development, alumni endowed scholars, amazon lab, american dance festival (adf), american grand strategy (ags), american tobacco campus - power plant, archive of documentary arts, art, art history & visual studies, arts & health at duke, arts & sciences (a&s), asian american and diaspora studies, asian & middle eastern studies (ames), asian pacific studies institute (apsi), athletics, b.N. Duke scholarship program, baldwin scholars, bass connections, bass connections-brain & society, bass connections-education & human development, bass connections-energy, bass connections-global health, bass connections-information, society & culture, bass society of fellows, behavioral science & policy center (bspc), belt road initiative at duke (brid), bingham center for womens history and culture, biochemistry, biocore, biology, biomedical engineering (bme), biomedical graduate student success (obge), biostatistics and bioinformatics, black archival imagination lab, black music lab, braincultures lab, bryan adrc african-american community outreach, campus mail services, campus research support offices, cancer center development, cardiovascular research center, career center, cell biology, centennial, center for addiction and behavior change, center for advanced genomic technologies, center for advanced hindsight (c4ah), center for african and african american research, center for aging and human development, center for aids research (cfar), center for arts, digital culture and entrepreneurship, center for international and comparative law, center for behavioral economics and healthy food choice research (becr), center for biomolecular and tissue engineering (cbte), center for child and family policy, center for christianity and scholarship, center for cognitive neuroscience, center for computational and digital health innovation, center for computational humanities, center for computational thinking, center for documentary studies (cds), center for french and francophone studies, center for genomics, race, identity, difference (grid), center for global reproductive health, center for global studies and the humanities, center for global womens health technologies, center for human disease modeling (chdm), center for human genome variation, center for human systems immunology, center for interdisciplinary studies in science and cultural theory (cissct), center for international and comparative law, center for jewish studies, center for late ancient studies, center for latin american and caribbean studies (clacs), center for metamaterials and integrated plasmonics, center for multicultural affairs, center for muslim life, center for philosophy, arts and literature, center for politics and public leadership, center for science education, center for sexual and gender diversity, center for slavic, eurasian and east european studies (cseees), center for south asia studies, center for spirituality, theology and health, center for statistical genetics and genomics (statgen), center for strategic philanthropy and civil society, center for the advancement of social entrepreneurship (case), center for the environmental implications of nanotechnology (ceint), center for the study of adolescent risk and resilience (c-starr), center for the study of race, ethnicity and gender in the social sciences (regss), center for theoretical and mathematical sciences (ctms), center for virology, center for virtual imaging trials, center on biobehavioral health disparities research (bhdr), center on global change, center on globalization, governance & competitiveness (cggc), center on law, ethics and national security (lens), cfm - division of community health, chemistry, childrens development, christensen family center for innovation (cfci), cinematic arts, civil and environmental engineering (cee), classical studies, coach k center on leadership & ethics, coffeehouse, compute and data services alliance for research (cdsa), computational biology and bioinformatics (cbb), computer science, concilium on southern africa, congregation at duke university chapel, continuing studies, council for north american studies, counseling & psych services (caps), critical minerals hub, ctsi center for equity in research, ctsi credo, cultural anthropology, dalhe - duke advancing latine-hispanic excellence, dance program, david m. Rubenstein rare book & manuscript library, david m. Rubenstein scholars program, dci cancer research training & education coordination, dci community outreach and engagement and equity, dci development, dci equity diversity & inclusion, dean of humanities, decolonizing global health working group, deep tech initiative, deman (duke entertainment, media and arts network), department of anesthesiology, department of dermatology, department of family medicine and community health, department of head and neck surgery & communication sciences, department of medicine, department of neurology, department of neurosurgery, department of obstetrics and gynecology, department of ophthalmology, department of orthopaedic surgery, department of pediatrics, department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, department of radiation oncology, department of radiology, department of religion, department of religious studies, department of surgery, department of urology, developmental and stem cell biology program, dewitt wallace center for media and democracy, dghi uganda srt team, dhts web services, diversify it, divinity school, divinity school academic programs, divinity school duke center for reconciliation, divinity school institute on care at the end of life, divinity school leadership education, divinity school office of black church studies, divinity school thriving communities in the carolinas, division of abdominal transplant surgery, division of cardiology, division of cardiovascular and thoracic surgery, division of child development and behavioral health, division of clinical pharmacology, division of emergency medicine, division of endocrinology, metabolism, and nutrition, division of gastroenterology, division of general internal medicine, division of general surgery, division of geriatrics, division of hematologic malignancies and cellular therapy, division of hematology, division of infectious diseases, division of medical genetics, division of medical oncology, division of metabolic and weight loss surgery, division of neonatology, division of nephrology, division of otolaryngology-head and neck surgery, division of pediatric allergy and immunology, division of pediatric blood and marrow transplantation, division of pediatric cardiology, division of pediatric critical care medicine, division of pediatric dentistry, division of pediatric endocrinology, division of pediatric gastroenterology, hepatology and nutrition, division of pediatric general surgery, division of pediatric hematology-oncology, division of pediatric hospital and emergency medicine, division of pediatric infectious diseases, division of pediatric medical genetics, division of pediatric nephrology, division of pediatric neurodevelopment, division of pediatric neurology, division of pediatric pulmonary and sleep medicine, division of pediatric rheumatology, division of plastic, maxillofacial, and oral surgery, division of primary care pediatrics, division of pulmonary, allergy, and critical care medicine, division of quantitative sciences, division of rheumatology and immunology, division of speech pathology and audiology, division of surgical sciences, division of trauma and critical care surgery, division of vascular surgery, duarts, du press, duke advancement of nursing center of excellence (dance), duke ahead, duke air force rotc detachment 585, duke alumni association (daa), duke alumni engagement and development, duke arts create, duke brazil initiative, duke campus farm, duke cancer genetics and genomics, duke cancer institute, duke catholic center, duke center for applied genomics and precision medicine, duke center for brain and spine metastasis, duke center for genomic and computational biology (gcb), duke center for global mental health (duke cgmh), duke center for health informatics, duke center for healthcare safety and quality, duke center for human genetics, duke center for international business education and research (ciber), duke center for international development (dcid), duke center for reach equity, duke center for research in autoimmunity and multiple sclerosis, duke center for teaching and learning (ctl), duke center for the genomics of microbial systems (gems), duke center for truth, racial healing & transformation (duke trht center), duke chapel, duke clergy & religion research collaborative, duke clinical and translational science award (ctsa), duke clinical and translational science institute (ctsi), duke clinical research institute (dcri), duke college advising corps (dcac), duke community affairs, duke consortium on social equity, duke council on race and ethnicity (dcore), duke credit union, duke digital humanities initiative, duke digital initiative (ddi), duke digital media community, duke dining services (dds), duke drilling, environment and economics network (deen), duke epigenetics and epigenomics program (deep), duke eye center, duke faculty club, duke financial economics center (dfe), duke forest, duke global health innovation center, duke global health institute (dghi), duke health ai evaluation & governance (e&g) program, duke health and well-being, duke health development and alumni affairs strategic events, duke health interprofessional education and care center i.P.E.C, duke herbarium, duke human rights center (dhrc), duke human rights center at the franklin humanities institute (dhrc@fhi), duke human rights coalition (dhrc), duke human vaccine institute (dhvi), duke ideas-information, technology and culture, duke initiative for science & society, duke initiative on survey methodology (dism), duke initiatives in theology and the arts, duke innovation & entrepreneurship, duke institute for brain sciences (dibs), duke institute for health innovation, duke integrative immunobiology, duke integrative medicine, duke interdisciplinary initiative in social psychology (diisp), duke international student center, duke in dc, duke islamic studies center, duke language central, duke law international human rights clinic, duke learning innovation, duke learning innovation & lifetime education, duke lemur center, duke life flight, duke life office, duke-margolis institute for health policy, duke materials initiative, duke medicine development and alumni affairs (dmdaa), duke medicine information security office, duke medicine orchestra (dmo), duke microbiome center, duke microfinance leadership initiative (dmli), duke mobile app gateway, duke molecular physiology institute, duke network analysis center (dnac), duke office for external partnerships (oep), duke office for translation & commercialization (otc), duke office of civic engagement (doce), duke office of clinical research (docr), duke office of dku relations, duke office of pre-law advising, duke office of research initiatives, duke office of scientific integrity (dosi), duke palliative care, duke pathologists assistants, duke performances, duke physician assistant program, duke population research institute (dupri), duke precision medicine program, duke program in american values and institutions, duke quantum center, duke regeneration center, duke regional hospital, duke restore, duke service-learning, duke society-centered ai initiative, duke space initiative, duke string school, duke student wellness, duke symphony orchestra (dso), duke talent identification program (tip), duke teaching observatory (dto), duke technology scholars program (dtech), duke toastmasters club, duke university box office, duke university center for international and global studies, duke university health system (duhs), duke university middle east studies center, duke university mycology research unit (mru), duke university naacp, duke university naval reserve officer training corps (duke nrotc), duke university police (dup), duke university postdoctoral association (dupa), duke visa services, duke water network, dukeengage, dukereach, dukewell, duson community health improvement partnership program, e.O. Wilson biodiversity foundation, economics, edge: center for energy, development and the global environment, education and human development incubator (ehdi), electrical and computer engineering (ece), employee resource/affinity group, engineering graduate student programs & services (gsps), engineering master’s career services and professional development, english, enterprising leadership initiative (eli), ethnography workshop, evolutionary anthropology, experimental film lab, facilities management department (fmd), faculty womens network and caucus, faculty write, financial education partnership (fep), first-year experience, trinity college (fye), fitzpatrick institute for photonics (fip), focus program, forest history society, forum for scholars and publics, franklin humanities institute (fhi), fraternity & sorority life, from harlem to hamburg, full frame documentary film festival, fuqua center for innovation and entrepreneurship (cei), fuqua center for technology, entertainment and media (ctem), fuquas office of diversity and inclusion, fuqua school of business, fuqua school of business, finance, fuqua speaks, gender, sexuality, and feminist studies, german studies, global admin and travel support (gats), global advising, global asia initiative, global brazil humanities lab, global education office for undergraduates, global financial markets center at duke law, global inequality research initiative (giri), global jewish modernization, gothic bookshop, graduate communications and intercultural programs - pratt school of engineering, graduate liberal studies, graduate medical education, graduate school, harmony humanities lab, hart leadership program, hartman center for sales, advertising & marketing history, hastac, health humanities lab (hhl), health professions advising (hpa), health, wellness, physical education and campus recreation, healthy duke, hematology case conference 2023, history, history of medicine collections, homegrown, house courses, housing and residence life (hrl), human resources (hr), human resources benefits, humanities labs@fhi, humanities writ large, humanities unbounded, india initiative, information initiative at duke (iid), information science + studies (iss), innovation co-lab, institute for critical theory, institute for genome sciences & policy (igsp), integrated toxicology & environmental health (itehp), interdisciplinary graduate education collaboratives (igec), internal medicine residency program, international comparative studies (ics), international masters of environmental policy - imep, ion channel research unit (icru), jazz at the mary lou, jewish life at duke, john hope franklin center (jhfc), karsh international scholars, kenan institute for ethics, keohane distinguished visiting professorship, language, arts & media program, language central, latino/a studies, law school, law school alumni, law school career, law school faculty, law school-public interest law foundation, learning & organization development (l&od), lgbtq faculty/staff affinity group, libraries, lifelong learning, linguistics, literature, live for life (lfl), living policy forum (lpf), machine learning, mandel center for hypertension and atherosclerosis, manuscript migration lab, markets and management studies (mms), martin luther king, jr. Celebration, mary lou williams center for black culture, master of biomedical sciences program, master of engineering in cybersecurity, master of engineering in financial technology, master of engineering in game design and development and innovation, master of engineering management program (memp), master of fine arts in experimental & documentary arts (mfaeda), master of management in clinical informatics (mmci), materials science and engineering, mathematics, mechanical engineering and materials science (mems), media arts & sciences, medical center library, medical imaging training program, medical physics graduate program, medical scientist training program (mstp), medieval and renaissance studies, medmentors, medx, mhealth@duke, military science army rotc, molecular cancer biology (mcb), molecular genetics and microbiology (mgm), mosaic, multicultural advancement activities, multiscale immune systems modeling (mism), music, nasher museum of art, national center for child traumatic stress (nccts), neurobiology, neurohumanities research group, new student programs, new student & family programs, nicholas institute for energy, environment and sustainability, nicholas school of the environment-office of development & alumni relations, nicholas school-career services, nicholas school-duke environmental leadership program (del), nicholas school-earth & ocean sciences, nicholas school-enrollment services, nicholas school-marine lab, nicholas school-miscellaneous events, observatory on europe, oceans@duke, occupational and environmental safety office (oeso), office for institutional equity (oie), office for research and innovation, office hours, office of animal welfare assurance (oawa), office of campus research development, office of climate and sustainability, office of durham and community affairs, office of dku programs, office of export controls, office of faculty advancement (ofa), office of global affairs, office of global and community health initiatives, office of global strategy and programs, office of government relations duhs, office of health professions advising, office of information technology (oit), office of interdisciplinary programs, office of physician-scientist development (opsd), office of postdoctoral services, office of prehealth advising, office of regulatory affairs and quality, office of research administration (ora), office of research support (ors), office of student conduct, office of the chancellor for health affairs (duhs), office of the executive vice president, office of the provost - finance and administration, office of the university president, office of undergraduate scholars & fellows (ousf), operation smile, organization for tropical studies (ots), oue - experiential education, ousf - nationally competitive scholarship events, paralegal certificate program, parent and family programs, parking and transportation, pathology, pathways at duke, pauli murray project, pelvic medicine, personal finance@duke, pharmacology and cancer biology, phd lab in digital knowledge, phd plus professional development program, phi sigma pi national honors fraternity (psp), philosophy, philosophy, politics and economics program (ppe), physics, policy and organizational management program, polis: center for politics, political science, population health sciences, pratt human resources (hr), pratt school of engineering, prattically speaking toastmasters club, prebusiness advising (pbao), precision genomics colaboratory, pregraduate advising, prelaw advising, preston robert tisch brain tumor center, program for advanced research in the social sciences (pariss), program ii, program in cell and molecular biology, program in education, program in latino/a studies in the global south, program in the study of sexualities, promise study - peer network, provosts office, psychology and neuroscience, public affairs & government relations, publishing humanities initiative, qbio, revaluing care lab, regeneration next, reginaldo howard scholars, registrars office, religious observances, renci center at duke university, representing migration humanities lab, reproductive sciences division, research administration, research career development programs, research computing, research for indigenous studies & engagement in the us (rise-us), research network on racial and ethnic inequality (the network), research on the education and development of youth (redy), resile, rethinking diplomacy program (rdp), robertson scholars, robertson scholars leadership program, romance studies, rubenstein fellows academy, samuel dubois cook center on social equity (the cook center), sanford school of public policy, sarah p. Duke gardens, sarah w. Stedman nutrition and metabolism center, scholars in molecular medicine, scholarworks, school of medicine - office of biomedical graduate education, school of medicine (som), school of medicine alumni affairs, school of medicine faculty development, school of medicine office of research mentoring, school of medicine-office of biomedical graduate diversity (obgd), school of medicine-office of diversity & inclusion, school of medicine-office of equity diversity and inclusion, school of nursing (son), school of nursing womens health organization (duson who), science policy program at duke, service-learning program, sexual and gender minority health program, shakespeare, shared materials instrumentation facility (smif), slavic and eurasian studies, slippage, social entrepreneurship accelerator at duke (sead), social movements lab, social practice lab, social science research institute (ssri), sociology, sophomore spark, sophomore year experience (sye), special events and university ceremonies, spire fellows, ssri initiative on qualitative ethnographic and mixed methods (siqem), stanford school career services, stargazing devils astronomy club (sdac), statistical science, story lab @ franklin humanities institute, structural biology & biophysics (sbb), student affairs, student affairs staff, student loans, sustainable duke, teaching support network (tsn), text a librarian, the duke center on risk, the ideals office (som), the mastercard foundation scholars program, the vis group, the working group on eurasia (wge), theater studies, thompson writing program, transformative ideas, translating duke health, trent center for bioethics, humanities & history of medicine, triangle center for evolutionary medicine (tricem), triangle center on terrorism and homeland security, triangle institute for security studies (tiss), triangle materials research science & engineering center (mrsec), trinity college, trinity college academic calendar, trinity scholars, tunl seminar series, undergraduate admissions, undergraduate education, undergraduate financial aid, undergraduate research support office, university center activities & events (ucae), university communications, university development office, university it security office, university program in genetics & genomics (upgg), university scholars program, university secretary, veterans programs, vice president for research, vice provost for faculty advancement, vice provost for interdisciplinary studies, vice provost for international affairs, vice provost for the arts, visualizing cities, washington duke inn & golf club, wisenet integrative graduate education and research training (igert), wilson center for science and justice at duke law, womens center, womens institute for secondary education and research @ duke (wiser), world food policy center, writing studio]
student group search
adopt a grandparent (aag)
alpha kappa alpha sorority, inc. (Aka)
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amandla chorus
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duke german club
duke global brigades
duke graduate & professional habitat for humanity
duke graduate finance club
duke habitat for humanity (duke habitat)
duke health occupations students of america (hosa)
duke healthcare policy forum (dhp forum)
duke history union
duke hyperloop
duke ihi open school
duke independent film festival (diff)
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duke med elementary
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duke simple charity
duke south asian students association (duke diya)
duke southeast asian students association
duke splash
duke sports management conference
duke start-up challenge (dsc)
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duke students against gender violence
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duke student veterans association (duke vets)
duke students for humane borders (dshb)
duke student veterans association (duke vets)
duke sustainability board
duke swing dancing club (duke swing)
duke undergraduate machine learning
duke university greening initiative (dugi)
duke university hawaii club (duhi)
duke university honor council (duhc)
duke university improv (dui)
duke university mens crew (dmc)
duke university school of nursing student council (duson student council)
duke university stand-up troupe
duke university student dining advisory committee (dusdac)
duke university union (duu)
duke university union visual arts committee (duu visarts)
duke venture capital club
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duke voices for interfaith action
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dukefish
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duu special projects
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engineering student government (esg)
engineers without borders - duke university chapter (ewb-duke)
environmental alliance (ea)
episcopal center at duke
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evolutionary anthropology majors union (evanth majors union)
farmhand
farquaad house
fellowship of christian athletes (fca)
females excelling more in math, engineering and science (femmes)
freewater presentations
freewater productions
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foundation for the international medical relief of children (fimrc)
fuqua entrepreneurship and venture capital club (evcc)
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graduate students association of iranians at duke
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hazing prevention coalition
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inside joke
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j street u
jam house
japanese culture club
jewish graduate and professional student association
joint youth organization of indians at duke (jyoti)
juhood magazine
kappa alpha psi fraternity, inc. (Kappas, ka psi)
khaya house
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know your status (kys)
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lady blue
lambda phi epsilon fraternity, inc. (Lphie)
lambda theta alpha latin sorority, inc. (Lta)
language theme house (langdorm)
latent image
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mi gente
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national society of black engineers (nsbe)
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nourish international (nourish)
omega psi phi fraternity, inc. (Omegas, ques)
on tap
out of the blue (ootb)
oz house
panhellenic association (panhel)
passport magazine
phi beta sigma fraternity, inc. (Sigmas, pbs)
physics graduate student organization (pgso)
precision step team
project heal: health education and awareness in latin america
prospective health care club (phcc)
psi upsilon (psi u)
public policy majors union (ppsmu)
rince diabhal: irish dance and culture club
roadrunners running club
roots & shoots
rotaract club of duke university
round table (rt)
runway of dreams
sabrosura
seds
sherwood house
shire housesigma gamma rho sorority, inc
sigma phi epsilon fraternity (sigep)
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small town records (str)
smart home
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something borrowed something blue
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special olympics college (so) - duke
students of the caribbean association
student national medical association (snma)
substance free house
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tau beta pi (tbp)
tedxduke
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the archive
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the chronicle
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the duke entrepreneur (tde)
the hub
the other
the pitchforks
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ubuntu
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united in praise (up)
universities allied for essential medicines (uaem)
vertices journal of science and technology
vision for north korea (vnk)
wayne manor (wm)
wellness community
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westminster fellowship at duke (wpf)
wilderness outdoor opportunities for durham students (woods)
womens housing option (who)
women in science and engineering (wise)
womyn
working group for environment in latin america (wgela)
wxdu
zeta phi beta sorority, inc. (Zetas, zphib)
[adopt a grandparent (aag), alpha kappa alpha sorority, inc. (Aka), alpha kappa delta phi sorority, inc. (Akdphi), alpha phi alpha fraternity, inc. (Alphas, apa), alpha phi omega - lambda nu chapter (apo), amandla chorus, american institute of aeronautics and astronautics (aiaa), amnesty international (amnesty), arts theme house (ath), asian students association (asa), avalon house, baldwin scholars house, bastille house, bel air house, bench and bar pre-law society (bench and bar), big brothers big sisters at duke (bbbs), black and latino mba organization at fuqua, black cultural living group house, black graduate and professional student association (bgpsa), black pre-law association (blpa), black student alliance (bsa), blue devils united (bd united), blue devils versus cancer (bdvc), blue ridge house, brownstone, buddhist community at duke (bcd), building tomorrow (bt), cambridge christian fellowship (ccf), camp kesem north carolina (cknc), campus concert series (ccs), campus crusade for christ (cru), center for race relations (crr), chabad student group (chabad), challah for hunger at duke, christian medical & dental association (cmda), circle k international (cki), coalition for preserving memory (cpm), cooper house, crazies who care (cwc), cuban american student association (casa), decolonize dismantle & redesign student working group (ddr), defining movement dance group (defmo), delta kappa epsilon (dke), delta sigma theta sorority (deltas, dst), desarrolla, devils after dark, devils en pointe, duhatch student business incubator, duke africa, duke african graduate and professional students association, duke association for business oriented women (bow), duke association for greater gaming education and recreation (dagger), duke black law students association, duke bold (building outdoor leaders and doers), duke business society (dbs), duke china care (dcc), duke chinese dance troupe (dcd), duke chinese students and scholars association (dcssa), duke climate coalition, duke college republicans (college republicans), duke community television (cable 13), duke consulting club, duke conservation tech, duke cyber, duke dance council, duke democrats, duke east asia nexus (dean), duke energy club (dec), duke engineers for international development (deid), duke ethiopian/eritrean student transnational association, duke fashion exchange, duke fly club, duke friends of israel (dfi), duke german club, duke global brigades, duke graduate & professional habitat for humanity, duke graduate finance club, duke habitat for humanity (duke habitat), duke health occupations students of america (hosa), duke healthcare policy forum (dhp forum), duke history union, duke hyperloop, duke ihi open school, duke independent film festival (diff), duke interdisciplinary student innovators (disi), duke international relations association (dira), duke intervarsity christian fellowship (iv), duke israel public affairs committee (dipac), duke jewish student union (jsu), duke kunshan student ambassador council, duke marketing club, duke mba armed forces association (dafa), duke mba net impact club, duke med elementary, duke men’s project, duke mock trial, duke net impact undergrad (netimpact), duke optical student chapter, duke partnership for service (dps), duke paws, duke persian students association (psa), duke political science students association (dpssa), duke pre-physical therapy association (dppta), duke quidditch, duke rare disease coalition, duke real estate club, duke red cross, duke relay for life, duke seniors, duke science olympiad, duke scouting association (dsa), duke simple charity, duke south asian students association (duke diya), duke southeast asian students association, duke splash, duke sports management conference, duke start-up challenge (dsc), duke stories for nature and people (snap), duke students against gender violence, duke students demand action, duke student broadcasting, duke student government (dsg), duke student veterans association (duke vets), duke students for humane borders (dshb), duke student veterans association (duke vets), duke sustainability board, duke swing dancing club (duke swing), duke undergraduate machine learning, duke university greening initiative (dugi), duke university hawaii club (duhi), duke university honor council (duhc), duke university improv (dui), duke university mens crew (dmc), duke university school of nursing student council (duson student council), duke university stand-up troupe, duke university student dining advisory committee (dusdac), duke university union (duu), duke university union visual arts committee (duu visarts), duke venture capital club, duke venture forward, duke voices for interfaith action, duke water network, duke wesley fellowship (wesley), duke womens mentoring network (wmn), duke writers collective (dwc), dukefish, dukeout, duson student organizations, duu joe college day (joeco), duu major attractions (duu ma), duu special projects, east campus council (ecc), economics student union (esu), engineering business society (ebs), engineering graduate student council (egsc), engineering student government (esg), engineers without borders - duke university chapter (ewb-duke), environmental alliance (ea), episcopal center at duke, eruditio, evolutionary anthropology majors union (evanth majors union), farmhand, farquaad house, fellowship of christian athletes (fca), females excelling more in math, engineering and science (femmes), freewater presentations, freewater productions, froshlife, foundation for the international medical relief of children (fimrc), fuqua entrepreneurship and venture capital club (evcc), fusion house, gates house, genome research & education society, global health forum (global health action committee), globemed, graduate and professional student council (gpsc), graduate and professional womens network (gpwn), graduate christian fellowship (gcf), graduate students association of iranians at duke, graduate to undergraduate student tutoring, griffin house, hart house, hazing prevention coalition, healthy devils peer educators, hear at duke, hindu students association, hoof n horn (hnh), hun house, incube house, inside joke, institute of electrical and electronics engineers (ieee) - duke student branch, interfraternity council (ifc), international association (ia), international christian fellowship (icf), international justice mission (ijm), intervarsity christian fellowship, j street u, jam house, japanese culture club, jewish graduate and professional student association, joint youth organization of indians at duke (jyoti), juhood magazine, kappa alpha psi fraternity, inc. (Kappas, ka psi), khaya house, kilgo quad council, know your status (kys), korean undergraduate student association (kusa), lady blue, lambda phi epsilon fraternity, inc. (Lphie), lambda theta alpha latin sorority, inc. (Lta), language theme house (langdorm), latent image, latin american student organization, live entertainment / broadway (liveent), marquis house, materials research society at duke, maxwell house, me too monologues (mtm), mi gente, minority association for pre-medical students (maps), mirecourt, momentum dance company, montauk house, mt. Olympus house, multicultural greek council (mgc), mundi house, muslim students association (msa), nasher student advisory board (nsab), national pan-hellenic council (nphc), national society of black engineers (nsbe), native american student alliance (nasa), neurocare, nexus house, nicholas school student council, nourish international (nourish), omega psi phi fraternity, inc. (Omegas, ques), on tap, out of the blue (ootb), oz house, panhellenic association (panhel), passport magazine, phi beta sigma fraternity, inc. (Sigmas, pbs), physics graduate student organization (pgso), precision step team, project heal: health education and awareness in latin america, prospective health care club (phcc), psi upsilon (psi u), public policy majors union (ppsmu), rince diabhal: irish dance and culture club, roadrunners running club, roots & shoots, rotaract club of duke university, round table (rt), runway of dreams, sabrosura, seds, sherwood house, shire housesigma gamma rho sorority, inc, sigma phi epsilon fraternity (sigep), skylar house, small town records (str), smart home, society for advancement of hispanics/chicanos and native americans in science-duke sacnas, society of american foresters (saf), society of women engineers (swe), something borrowed something blue, sophomore class council, special olympics college (so) - duke, students of the caribbean association, student national medical association (snma), substance free house, taiwanese student association (tsa), tau beta pi (tbp), tedxduke, the alexander hamilton society, the archive, the chanticleer, the chronicle, the duke alt protein project, the duke entrepreneur (tde), the hub, the other, the pitchforks, turkish students association, ubuntu, ubuntu house, undergraduate publications board (upb), united in praise (up), universities allied for essential medicines (uaem), vertices journal of science and technology, vision for north korea (vnk), wayne manor (wm), wellness community, wellness community house, windsor house, westminster fellowship at duke (wpf), wilderness outdoor opportunities for durham students (woods), womens housing option (who), women in science and engineering (wise), womyn, working group for environment in latin america (wgela), wxdu, zeta phi beta sorority, inc. (Zetas, zphib)]
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pcb | wang: molecular basis of transcription and transcription-coupled repair
wednesday, november 04, 2026
2:00 pm - 3:00 pm
nanaline duke 147
dong wang, phd
pcb seminar series
seminar presented by the department of pharmacology and cancer biology.
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| Married With A Kid: 32 Men Who Couldve Easily Competed For The Worlds Worst Boyf |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (12 reads) | |
|
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It’s no secret that the bar is already set quite low for boyfriends. Back in the day, men were expected to put a lot of time and effort into wooing a potential future wife. Nowadays, a 2am “wyd??” Text is the most that some guys are willing to offer in exchange for a second or third date. They get heaps of praise if they bother to shower before said date. And a gold medal if, after months of shacking up together, they are decent enough to put their own dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
and before the “not all men” crowd gets their panties in a knot: we already know that some guys are truly amazing. But it doesn’t change the fact that the bar is on the floor. Perhaps the saddest part of all is that some men can’t even reach that.
dozens of dudes have unknowingly been competing for the “world’s worst boyfriend award” recently and bored panda has narrowed down the list to a few worthy nominations that really stand out. Upvote the ones that make staying perpetually single sound like a brilliant idea.
#1 i (22f) found out my boyfriend (29m) is married with a kid
i am devastated, we have been together for a year and we lived in different towns close to each other. He told me he was broken up with her and for a year straight we shared so many moments together. He was there when i broke my arm, when i lost my job, i was there helping him start his business, i was there when he couldnt sleep at night, i took care of him when he was sick. We planned a wedding, a home together… in good and in bad we were together, hung out with his friends and they all knew the truth.
i wasnt feeling secure with the whole ex thing so i told him i wanted him to block her and leave her out of our lives. She kept coming back one way or another and i started having nightmares, my hair falling out, and i saw she was unblocked and i crashed out. I texted her wanting answers. She shared pictures of them from the last year, of their daughter, of everything and told me i have no place there. How i should feel used and unclean because this is what i am. I confronted him and the only thing he had to say was “dont look for me anymore” not even a sorry not anything. The woman kept harassing me with painful comments how they only used me how i am pathetic etc. I cant eat, sleep, shower myself i cant hold myself up on my legs, i truly loved him and wanted a life with him and now i have to start over with everything. And i cant stop thinking of all of the moments we shared and words we exchanged just being a game and a lie when i put my heart in it. How do i deal with this? Please help me, please
#2 aitah for being annoyed with this behavior and considering leaving?
my boyfriend makes jokes about women alot.
jokes about how we didnt have rights or just basic women rights jokes.
he even made a statement about how all women are b**ches and that its okay to say that because rappers say it all the time.
eventually, i got annoyed and told him to stop because i dont think its funny. In fact, i think it’s disrespectful that he is comfortable enough to joke about women to his own girlfriend.
my boyfriend has shown me before that he lacks respect for me.
he recorded me during [intimacy] against my wishes, and removed a condom without telling me, knowing i never wanted to do it without one.
i mentioned those times since it made me feel like he really did lack respect for women. To be fair hes only 19, as am i.
i tried talking about it and he grew angry saying it was just a joke. In a sense i feel like i might be overreacting. But i just dont feel comfortable being around someone who is comfortable joking about women like that.
aitah for telling him something about it, and considering leaving? I consider leaving not just because of this but because of what happened in the past. I stayed and forgave him because i wanted to give him a chance to show me that he will respect me. But now im unsure he ever really did or ever will.
#3 my boyfriend threw his food in the sink because i made it wrong
my (22f) boyfriend (26m) asked me to make him some instant noodles while he was gaming with his mates. He asked for 2 packets and for me to mash them up, add the flavour packet and don’t drain the water. I did exactly that however i only broke the noodles into quarters, i didn’t realise he meant to literally crush them. He got angry they weren’t crushed completely and just poured it all into the sink in front of me while i was cleaning up the kitchen and went back to gaming. I’ve just gone to bed now rethinking my life choices.
#4 my boyfriend keeps introducing me as his roommate at work events. He says it’s to avoid office gossip
i (26f) have been with my boyfriend (29m) for almost 3 years. We live together, our families know each other, all that stuff. A few weeks ago, i went to his work event with him. One of his coworkers came over and asked who i was, and my boyfriend just went oh, that’s my roommate. I literally laughed because i thought he was joking. When i asked him about it later, he said he doesn’t like people at work knowing his personal business.
then last weekend we went to another work dinner and he did the exact same thing again. And apparently everyone at his office thinks he’s single?? Like, what? I asked him why he even brings me to these things if he’s gonna pretend i’m just some girl who splits rent with him. He got annoyed and said i’m overthinking it and trying to start drama over nothing.
i’m not asking him to introduce me as the love of his life or anything lol. But we’ve been together for three years. Being called his roommate in front of everyone honestly feels pretty [awful].
am i being dramatic or is this actually as weird as it sounds?
#5 bf (42/m) proposed to me (32/f) then got cold feet and took the ring back. Now what…
my bf (m/42) proposed to me (f/32) in front of my mom, told me not to tell anyone about it, then he took the ring back a day later and said he didn’t think it through enough but that i have too low of an “ses” (socioeconomic status) and he doesnt see me being able to climb the social ranks. He really wants cultured, educated friends.
we’ve dated 8 years and have a house and a pet. He never lies, yells, or swears, and he’s a “genius” (top 1% iq), so i thought he was like a super safe/healthy bet at first, but he has commitment issues and ocd.
the moving in, the i love you – every checkpoint of the relationship took a ton of self advocacy to even get to.
the exception was the house – he needed my $ for that, so that was easy.
idk why i did this really, but here i am.
my dad said just leave “spontaneously” on a weekday.
i’d have to move into my dad’s house. My parents were kind of normal and wealthy (but new money wealthy), but then both went off the deep end when i was in my 20s (dad – drugs/women, mom – idrk some kind of ptsd thing but she also hallucinates). I am 32 now, and i don’t hang out with my parents – it’s just kind of the only choice i have…
anyway, any thoughts? People say i’m pretty and i do want kids and a loving relationship. I don’t think this guy will give me that…
#6 aita for not caring when my boyfriend was fake choking?
i (22f) have been with my bf (26m) for 2 years now and he has done this thing maybe 5 times in the time we’ve been together where he would fake choke to see if i cared. It’s always been obvious he’s faking and i never really took it seriously and just thought it was a joke so i would always laugh it off. He kinda seemed annoyed after but always brushed it off.
earlier today he done it again and i just didn’t do anything about it. He got really upset this time and it turned into a full blown argument. He thinks if he was really choking i wouldn’t care and would just let him die. Obviously i would care and in a real emergency i would take it seriously and make sure he was okay. I tried to explain this but because i didn’t take his fake choking seriously he believes this is how i would truly react if he was really choking. He won’t believe anything i say anymore.
i am genuinely baffled at this situation, it reminds me of when your a kid and you fake drowned to see if anyone cares so i can only see his behavior as immature. I really can’t take it seriously. Even if i did play along to make him feel better i would be faking it too so whats the point?
aita for not taking it seriously?
#7 aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for touching me after i told him to stop?
i 21f) and my boyfriend (22m) have been together for 2 years now, and we live together.
this morning, we had just woken up and were being lazy, lying in bed and cuddling like we usually do. Everything was fine until he started squeezing my stomach.
for context, i am chubby and have a belly. I’ve recently started going to the gym and meal prepping because i’m not happy with my body and am very insecure about it.
he kept squeezing my stomach even though i told him no multiple times. Eventually, i reached my limit, pushed his hands away, and moved to the other side of the bed. I basically threw myself against the wall to get away from him.
even after that, he continued trying to touch me, so i finally said, “get away from me.”
he eventually stopped and started scrolling on his phone. After about 4–5 minutes, he said he was going to get up. I just said, “okay,” and continued facing away from him.
he then asked me what was wrong, and i told him, “you kept squeezing my stomach after i told you no.”
he gave me what felt like a half-[baked] “i’m sorry,” and i just said, “okay.”
i stayed on my side of the bed because i was still upset. I didn’t want him touching me, and honestly, i didn’t know what else to say or do.
i know he might not have meant anything bad by it, but i’m already very insecure about my stomach, and having him repeatedly squeeze it after i told him to stop really upset me.
now i’m sitting here wondering if i overreacted by pushing him away and not wanting him near me.
so, aita for getting upset with my boyfriend and not wanting him to touch me after he repeatedly ignored me saying no?
#8 aita for “nagging” my boyfriend about his unemployment?
hi everyone. I (18f) have been with my boyfriend (19m turns 20 in january) for 3 years now and we seemed to be steady till now. My boyfriend has been working since 14, these jobs were organized by his school’s district therefore it was easy, available and convenient. He wouldn’t get a lot, just 155usd a month but it was enough. I want to specify that he did not graduate, he never dropped out but wasn’t able to pass his final exams so in record its almost as if he never attended highschool.
problems started once he told me he won’t try to appeal for his exams and re-do them a couple months after. I ignored it since it was his final decision but i wasn’t happy about it either. He believed that as long as he puts his previous jobs in cv’s then lots of companies would hire him, but he never thought of the fact that as i said, on paper, his education ended in elementary school.
its been a year since then and he’s had only 2 jobs, one that lasted 3 months and the other that lasted less than a month. So of course i’ve been agitated about it. No money means he has no car, no degree means his future is basically nothing, and no job means he’s spending his days playing video games. And the funniest thing is? My dad owns a very good, stable company and he keeps on asking my boyfriend to just apply and he would handle all the other things. My boyfriend never once agreed because “i don’t want to work with your dad”.
i am more than pissed off, i feel resentment towards him. I’m aware of the job market; i know it’s hard to get a job when you never finished high school, and i know how much he tries. I don’t want him to get a job just to “spoil” me or anything, all i want is for him to make his life right. These past weeks have been a warzone between us, he keeps ghosting me and ignoring all the job applications i’ve sent him, and i’ve been nonstop talking about him to go work anywhere.
so am i really the [jerk]? Should i let him figure everything out by himself?
#9 my boyfriend [24m] asks me [24f] for money often
ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and he has often asked for money for multiple things now like gas, to buy food, to buy his brother food. All of these things are so valid to ask for help on and i’ve helped him multiple times. But he has always said he would pay me back and he has never paid me back. He gets paid $10 more than i do and i have more financial obligations than he does like bills, car payments, school loans and help my parents out financially while he on the other hand, was given a free car and doesn’t pay any bills at home since he lives at home with his mom and works from home. I don’t want to compare situations because if he needs the help, i will help. But the reoccurring asking and not paying back like he said he would is putting a strain. I have never asked him for money or to help with gas when we use my car or i’ve never asked him to pay anything for me. I have a half marathon coming up and it’s my first one ever and i asked if he’d like to go with me and he even offered to drive me. It’s about 45 minutes away and he asked if i can help pitch in for gas. When he offered to drive, i didn’t think he’d ask for gas money and now i’m kind of upset because if he needed money, i would’ve just driven myself. I don’t know if i’m just being mean or selfish ? But i’m already stressed financially, i’m always having my parents ask for money and now my partner does it and has done it since we started to date and it’s so stressful because i feel obligated to and i hate saying no. I would just like any advice on how to go about this and honestly if i am being selfish, please let me know so i know how to change or go about this. I appreciate you guys :)
tldr; boyfriend asks for money to pay for gas, food for himself or his brother. He makes more money than i do and tells me he’s going to pay back but never does. He offered to drive me to my race event but asked for gas money. Am i being selfish?
#10 [26f] my boyfriend [26m] exchanged socials with a girl who approached him
my boyfriend was fishing down at our pier the other night, a girl waiting around approached him and asked what he was up to. They engaged in conversation with a bunch of random interactions with strangers popping in here and there (too long of a story) for more than an hour or so. This didn’t bother me at first- however at some point in between she did ask if he had a girlfriend. In which he said yes. Later down the conversation he mentioned that when he was leaving he’d “talk to her later”.
i asked him what he meant by that, and he then told me they exchanged social media. This upset me. My boyfriend is a friendly person (which i don’t mind), he’s very understanding and we’ve been in a long term relationship for more than 5 years now. But if the girl asked if he had a girlfriend- wouldn’t that kind of give you the idea that she was hitting on him or interested in him? I feel like exchanging social media accounts just opens up a door of opportunity, it kind of feels disrespectful to me.
i don’t care if he follows girls on social media- but this particular interaction just didn’t feel right to me. I’ve already expressed that i was upset that he did that, and he said i have nothing to worry about. I’m not worried about him cheating, more so that he gave a girl he just met his social media.
tldr: i don’t know how to feel about my boyfriend exchanging socials with a girl he just met. Am i overthinking or being upset for no reason? How should i go about this?
#11 i [20f] feel undervalued in my relationship with my [19m] boyfriend
i [20f] and my boyfriend [19m] have been together for a year and 2 months. Until recently everything has always been pretty much perfect apart from the odd little thing which is normal.
but sometimes now i start i feel like i value him so much more than he values me and i want to talk to him about it but he always gets so defensive every time i try.
it’s only little things like we live 5 minutes from each yet makes it seem like such an inconvenience to take me home sometimes. On this occasion it was because he had work early in the morning but it’s only 5 minutes away?
or if i am upset he thinks it will cheer me up to make fun of me. Like saying i have bad breath.
he doesn’t compliment me often which gets me down and when i mention that he says neither do i but i know i do a lot. I always do cuz i don’t ever want him to feel bad about himself for a second. Like if i have spent ages getting ready to look good for him and he won’t even say anything about it.
he sometimes points out flaws of mine infront of others even tho they are close friends i just feel like why? Or just is always making little comments to put me down or laugh at my expense.
this makes him sound really bad an i promise he is not he is very amazing in other ways.
i feel like i would walk heaven and earth for him and i don’t feel he would for me.
tldr i just need advice on how to tell him i feel undervalued.
#12 is it normal for my [26f] boyfriend [39m] to not talk about me to people in his life?
hello everyone, this is my first time posting, and i made this account specifically to ask this question because i just can not tell if this is as big of a deal as it feels to me. I, 26f, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 39m, for over a year and a half, and he moved into my house just a couple of months ago so we do live together. We had been somewhat friends who met at work for a few years before getting into this relationship. My problem is this: he has been very open with me about the fact that he does not talk to people about me, meaning nobody besides his dad and the few family members i have met knows that he is in a relationship. His reasoning is he “doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business who he sleeps with.” This is offensive to me because i feel that i should definitely be considered more than just someone he sleeps with as we live together and are trying to build a life together (and definitely had the convo making this an exclusive commited relationship). The reason i know he doesn’t talk about me is because of a few times when he was telling me about conversations or situations at work where it would have been relevant for him to mention me but he has specifically told me “i don’t tell people about you, or talk about you at all.” When i asked why, he gave the answer above. When i told him that i feel like i should be relevant as more than just someone who he sleeps with he got upset and said he just doesn’t want to talk about me and also told me he doesn’t want to greet everyone by saying, “hi! My name is (blank), and i have a girlfriend.” Which is not at all the scenario or what i was asking for. Is it normal for me to be hurt by this?
tldr: my boyfriend doesn’t talk to people in his life about me, stating he “doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business who he sleeps with.” This is hurtful to me because we have been in a committed relationship for over a year and a half and live together, so i feel i should be considered more than just someone he sleeps with. Would this be hurtful to anyone else, or am i being too sensitive?
image source: xcxc1667, magnific (not the actual photo)
#13 aitah: kicking my partner of almost 2 years out of my house
i hit the last straw last week. He went on a 24-hour no-contact “runaway” aka [partying] without saying he’s not coming home/what he’s up to. Hes done this before (having phone off, not coming home).
he doesn’t come home until after midnight at least a couple nights a week. He misses work due to hangovers at least a couple times a month – and he’s trying to run his own business. We’ve talked about communicating when not coming home after work. The horse has been beaten many times.
he doesn’t see his drinking as a problem. But i think if you’re willing to jeopardize your business and relationship for uncontrolled “fun” then it is? What do you all think?
hes a good guy overall, hes the “fun guy” but at what point does the fun guy become a loser when hes 30 and doesnt have his drinking in check? Am i being an [jerk] for kicking him out over this? Ill say i am in love with him, he is a good guy, but i cant deal with never knowing when or if my boyfriend will be coming home each night. This feels like behaviour for someone in their teens and twenties?
#14 aitah for not asking for help with the kids?
every night my boyfriend gets home from work, eats dinner, then immediately starts filling his shot glass and starts playing video games. Which wouldn’t be a problem (because i like doing those things too), if we didn’t have two children to put to bed first.
my boyfriend is sitting there drinking and playing while i’m chasing kids around getting them ready for bed and for school the next morning. This is an everyday thing. Drink, play, and here’s me putting everyone to bed. I finally confronted him tonight and i said “it would be nice if i got some help putting the kids to bed before you start drinking and playing video games. “ He immediately gets defensive and we start arguing.
he basically said if i want help then i should just ask for it whenever i want it. But my thing is, as a dad, why are you not just automatically helping? Why drink and hop on the game right away instead of being a dad and helping me get the kids ready for bed? I basically told him i feel like i shouldn’t have to ask all the time. Anyways, he’s really upset at me now, yelled at me, and just repeating “just ask and i will do it.” Which i do understand to an extent.
but what do i do at this point? He gets really defensive and angry instead of understanding where i’m coming from. Or should i just ask for help all the time?
#15 aio for being mad at my bf for forgetting my degree
me (f24) and my bf (m22) have been together. Coming up on three years. During this time, i was getting a master’s degree in criminal justice. I graduated in may and he missed it due to falling asleep after his 12 hr night shift. We had some issues due to it but moved on from it.
last night we were at dinner, and the topic of my degrees came up again. At first, it seemed like he just thought my degree was in psychology. A common misconception because my bachelor’s is in psychology. I thought it was weird but didn’t immediately get mad. Then it turned out he didn’t even know i had a masters. I immediately got quiet and started crying in the car. He asked why i was crying which led to an argument and him yelling at me and trying to tell me i never in the three years we were together told him i was getting a masters in criminal justice. Which i know is not true bc i will tell anyone who listens. I am extremely proud of my degrees and the effort i put forth to obtain them. I got quiet again and didn’t speak after that. A few hours later he offers a meek apology for being mean to which i just say okay and we are silent again. This morning i woke up, and he is acting like i’m the problem. I asked if he wanted to speak and he said he tried to last night and i wouldn’t. I am getting ready to break up with him but want to know if that means i am overreacting?
update: we broke up.
#16 i (21f) am one week recovering from surgery and my boyfriend (22m) is upset that i cannot fulfill his physical needs right now. Am i being unfair? (Post was removed so writing again)
i had a cervical conization a week ago. My doctor strictly ordered me to rest and avoid any form of physical intimacy or strain for about 6 weeks so my body can heal properly.
the problem is that my boyfriend is upset that i’m not finding alternative ways to satisfy him physically during this time. He says he feels like i’m neglecting him and that he expects his girlfriend to genuinely want to do things for him rather than treat it like a transaction.
the thing is, i do want to be close with him and make him happy, but i’m disappointed that this has already become an issue just one week after my surgery. I expected him to be able to wait this period out with me and understand that i need time to recover. I’m not expecting him to put his needs aside forever; i was just hoping for a little more patience and understanding.
he gave an example, saying that if the roles were reversed and he was the one physically incapacitated, he would still try to find ways to make me happy if he were willing. From his perspective, it’s not about a transaction; he wants to feel that i genuinely want to do things for him.
i understand that he has needs too and that he might miss intimacy. At the same time, i feel like i shouldn’t have to feel pressured to satisfy my partner or feel guilty for not doing so just one week after a surgical procedure.
i’d really appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from couples or people who have been in similar situations. Is my disappointment reasonable? How would you handle this situation? Am i expecting too much by wanting him to be patient for these six weeks, or are his expectations understandable too?
#17 aita for supposedly ruining my own birthday on a trip with my boyfriend?
i (27f) recently went to portugal with my boyfriend (32m) around my birthday. We split the flights and accommodation, and i paid for my visa, rental car, fuel, food, activities and other expenses. I wasn’t expecting him to fund my birthday or the trip.
the day before my birthday, we were at a tourist attraction with a cobbled slope. I had an injured foot and was walking slowly. A woman was taking a photo on the other side of the slope. My boyfriend tried to rush me down the slope because he thought we were in her way. She hadn’t asked us to move, and i didn’t think we were even in her photo.
i asked him, in a raised voice, “please don’t push me.”
he said i embarrassed him in public and was inconsiderate of other people.
things stayed tense afterwards. The next day was my birthday, and we spent about six hours sitting beside each other on a bus. He spoke to me about mundane things like water and leftover food but didn’t wish me happy birthday once.
after we arrived, we argued again. Eventually i asked him when he was planning to wish me. He gave me a very cold “happy birthday.” I felt like crying.
the following day, after things had calmed down, he suggested we go for my birthday dinner.
i got dressed and was ready to leave, but wanted to take a few photos first. On my previous birthday, he’d told me he wouldn’t take photos of me at a restaurant because he doesn’t like taking pictures, so this time i took three selfies myself. It took less than a minute.
he became irritated that i was making him wait. Then i said i needed to grab a jacket.
he got angry, walked out on me and left me there.
i ended up changing back into my clothes and getting into bed.
since we’ve returned, he keeps telling me i ruined my own birthday.
for context, he had always wanted to do one trip abroad a year, but his social commitments kept postponing it. Eventually this trip was arranged around my birthday. He says i should be happy that he took me abroad for my birthday.
my friend says the same thing, that i should be grateful he went on the trip with me.
but i don’t feel like i asked for anything unreasonable. I didn’t need an expensive gift. I didn’t expect him to pay for the holiday. I just wanted him to acknowledge my birthday and actually celebrate it with me.
aita for thinking his behaviour ruined my birthday rather than me ruining it myself?
#18 aitah for telling my boyfriend that he isn’t invited to a show night i am hosting for my friends?
i (30f) and my boyfriend (35m) of 7 months do not like the same type of entertainment. My boyfriend doesn’t like “girly” tv. Like rom-coms and reality tv. This is fine with me but he does tend to make a big stink about it when i watch it with him. So most of the time we pick things we both enjoy when we are together and i watch what i want when i am alone.
however, some friends of mine and i are obsessed with a show. A new season has recently come out and we decided to have a watch party each week when the new episode comes out. I typically host these things and they bring to food because i have a good tv set up and space.
i was telling my boyfriend about this new week activity and he asked if he could join. I gently told him that i’d rather him not join. He asked me why and i said because:
this is season 3 of the series and he hasn’t watched season 1 and 2. I don’t particularly want to sit there and explain to him all the details of the show while i want to watch the new episode.
when he gets bored he tends to talk about unrelated things, which would make the watch party not as fun because the topic is the show.
i know this because i’ve attempted to recommend him stuff that he may like but he just doesn’t pay attention. He says he wants me to share more of my interests with him but when i do he’s never that into it. I don’t take it personally. Everyone has their interests, we don’t have to match on everything.
we don’t live together so he does have his own home to go to and we see each other about 4 times a week so it’s not for lack of being together.
when i told him this he got really disappointed and mad at me for this. He wants to meet more of my friends (we hang out with my friends quite often but he hasn’t met them all). I told him this just isn’t the setting to meet them and talk with them as we will be watching the show. It’s like going to a movie theater and talking through the whole film.
he said ok but has given me the cold shoulder since. This happened yesterday. The watch party is tomorrow and it will be a weekly thing. Aitah?
#19 aita for refusing to make halloween plans with my boyfriend?
halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and my boyfriend has always known this. We dated online for about a year and a half before he moved in with me, and i thought things were going well. However he consistently made me late for all sorts of plans, didn’t follow through with plans, and overall didn’t make any efforts to do things with me.
every year, i always stock up halloween plans and make the most of the holiday. However he had insisted on us spending halloween together, because he wanted to spend my favorite holiday with me. I thought it was nice, we made plans to go buy candy and make cookies, paint pumpkins, get dinner, and watch halloween movies for most of the day, ending with me going to a rave that i had been planning to go to for a while.
my boyfriend has a major habit of sleeping all day or staying holed-up in his room(we don’t share bedrooms because we agreed on wanting our own personal spaces, but we spend most nights together.)
when halloween came around, i woke up around 8am and he was still asleep, so i let him sleep in. Our plans were pretty fluid so i didn’t mind. 1030 i decided to wake him up so we could go to the store. He took an entire hour to get up and dressed, only to complain and ask if he could go back to bed when we got in my car. I let him and went to buy stuff on my own.
we get home and he stays in bed until i wake him up around 1 so we could at least paint the pumpkins. After 30 minutes of that, he went back to bed. I didn’t see him the rest of the day.
i went to my rave, and tried my best to have fun even though i spent most of the day doing nothing. I came back home around 2am, and heard him talking happily with an online friend and playing video games.
today, i decided to start decorating the apartment a bit because of halloween, and my boyfriend made an comment about how i shouldn’t make plans for halloween so we could spend it together. I told him no, and that i was going to do whatever plans i wanted because he still hasn’t changed his behavior even when we’ve had multiple discussions about it. Once again, it caused a major fight, and now he’s staying in his room for the night.
aita?
tldr; my boyfriend failed to follow through with halloween plans, then expected me to make halloween plans with him again and when i said no we got in a fight.
#20 aita – i asked my boyfriend when the last time he brushed his teeth was
my boyfriend recently moved in with me and i noticed that he never brushes his teeth at night, i asked him how often he brushes his teeth and he said once a day, specifically in the mornings. I told him that i honestly find it a bit gross because we kiss. He said that that makes sense but i dont think hes brushing his teeth any more. Just now (at midnight) i asked him when the last time he brushed his teeth was, he said this morning and then said that that was an [mean] question. Am i the [jerk]?
#21 my bf [33m] seems to be having an identity crisis because i, [30f] am a medical resident
i have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, and he recently changed behavior. Ever since i started residency he’s been mentioning how “it must be nice” to be in medicine and how i’m “the real alpha” in the house because i will be making more money down the line.
i’m exhausted, i don’t come from any money, i’m in student loan debt. He argues back he has the same amount of student debt and won’t be able to pay it off or provide for me.
he’s debating on applying to medical school because it’s something he’s always wanted to do. He was accepted into dental school last year but turned it down because he felt like he would be settling.
what the hell do i do to manage this? Is this even sustainable? I’m exhausted everyday from my crazy schedule now and it’s just comments i don’t need. I had helped him pay for dental applications and a lot of other life things. Life is hard and he deserves to be where he wants but damn i’m exhausted.
tldr; my boyfriends ego is ruining our relationship, trying to work through if it’s temporary or if it actually won’t work.
#22 i [30f] am concerned about my boyfriend’s [35m] comments to his coworker [30sf]
i [30f] recently had a discussion with my partner [35m] about needing more compliments and verbal affirmations from him. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years, and he doesnt really compliment me or acknowledge how i look that often, usually unless i ask.
he does show me how much he loves me in so many other ways, our relationship is pretty solid. We are both also healing from past toxic relationships, he has been in therapy for many years, so communication is actively being worked on and overall we do talk things out really well. So, i try not to take it hard when he doesn’t compliment me, considering he shows me and tells me he loves me and is dedicated to me every day.
but, lately, i’ve noticed he compliments our female coworker more often than me (we met at work and work together closely). He complimented her earrings, and he’s never commented on my jewelry. Then, the other day, right after we clocked in and i walked away from him and turned a corner, i heard him say to her, “woah what’re you doing tonight? Got some jean action going on today?” And i dont know if it’s just how he said it or… but idk it feels very… suggestive? Flirty? I’m not sure why he felt the need to say it or say it in that way. I also see them talk very often, and she will playfully touch him on the arm while she laughs, and he will touch her on the arm back.
i feel insecure and crazy for being uncomfortable and even typing this post out, but at the same time i know i would never act the same way.
to be clear, i have no problem with complimenting others in general, as he compliments men as well, and i compliment people too. I actually love how generous and uplifting he is to everyone his friends and everyone around him. But i wish he’d lift me up more than them, and in front of our coworkers. It feels weird to be next to him when he compliments these women, but they never see him compliment me… but maybe i only feel that way bc he doesnt compliment me in general?
either way, i plan to have another conversation with him. I just want to see if anyone can relate to my experience and talked to their partner about their feelings, and how that talk went.
tldr: asked my boyfriend to give me more verbal affirmation. Instead i hear him compliment our coworkers, making me feel uncomfortable and like there might be an inappropriate relationship starting between them. Looking for outside perspective.
#23 am i fat or is my bf a jerk
back story i am 5’4 and weighed 250 when i met my boyfriend, early this year, he knew what i looked like i didn’t catfish and we spent basically a whole weekend going on dates and just hanging out talking and kissing. He asked me to be his gf at the end of the weekend which can be seen as fast but we both view getting to know someone as apart of dating.
three month into our relationship he confessed he wasn’t as attracted to me as he wanted to be and didn’t really want to [be intimate] and that he felt like a [jerk] and wanted to go back to the dating apps. We broke up lol obviously and he came the next weekend to drop off my stuff which ended in getting back together and [being intimate] that day. Though we broke up a month and a half later because he didn’t want to have [be intimate] or be with me that doing other things wasn’t the same as [being intimate] and he wanted to be with someone he wants to have [be intimate] with.
during this time i was losing weight for myself not him or the relationship. I gained the weight due to an injury and losing my mom and always talked about losing it and just never did. I promised myself this year i would do it and i had told him that prior to getting together i wanted to do this. He said he couldn’t stand by me while i lost and thought he could that he felt like shit and that i deserved better and he deserved to be single. I didn’t fight him i didn’t have a conversation about it because i was so drained. I stayed because i was falling in love from what i tell you it sounds like he is an awful person but he wasn’t and we both were compatible outside the bedroom for him i guess.
as of today i have officially lost over 40 pounds and still want to lose 20 more for myself i feel great and on my way to being slim thick like i used to be. I haven’t been on dates just focused on myself. I haven’t posted myself at all and he hit me up wanting to see me and try again that we had something really special and that he misses me. Idk what to do because i want to be with someone i love and care about but i also don’t want to be with someone who uses my weight as a weapon.
#24 wibtah if i broke up with my boyfriend over this…?
i (18f) and my (22m) boyfriend have been dating for over 3 months now and for the most part everything is going really good! A few months ago he went silent, didn’t text/call me for like 40hrs, as i am still young and kinda stupid i start calling and texting him over and over again, and when he finally answered he said “ i don’t have an excuse, i turned off my phone and i’m sorry for scaring you. I love you” that was fine, obviously i was still mad but it was whatever, after that i told him i don’t care what you do just communicate with me, you don’t have to text me for the whole day, just let me know that your fine before disappearing. He said that it would never happen again, and where i am waiting like a dog for this man to text me, it’s been close to 24hrs and i’m worried about him, he promised that he would text me if he ever planned on going in dnd for a day. He has yet to text me, i thought he maybe just slept in a lot because we were on call till 3am but i have yet to hear from this man. So would i be a total [jerk] if i broke up with him? I don’t wanna be in a relationship where a boundary that i set is being broken, all i asked for was a simple text and he can’t even do that!
im just feeling a little lost and would like some advice from someone who is a little bit older and had a fully developed brain lol
#25 aitah for refusing to see my boyfriend after he changed our plans to hang out with coworkers?
my boyfriend (25m) and i (24f) have been together for five years. He’s a firefighter who works 48-hour shifts, and i’m a full-time college student who also works.
lately, i’ve felt like his coworkers take priority over our relationship. He spends 48 hours with them, texts them daily, goes to breakfast, plays sports, and regularly hangs out with them outside of work. I don’t mind him having friends, but i feel like he rarely plans dates for just us.
last weekend, we had a huge argument because he asked what weekend i was free for a warriors game. I got excited thinking he was planning a date, but then he mentioned inviting his coworkers and their girlfriends. I explained that i wanted more one-on-one time, but he got angry and accused me of always complaining. He apologized afterward and admitted he’d been losing his temper.
fast-forward to today. He just finished another 48-hour shift, and we already had plans to spend time together after i got off work. He suddenly told me he was going to a bbq with his former coworkers that evening.
he suggested i drive to his house, spend a couple of hours together, and then either leave or stay overnight while he attended the bbq.
i declined because i didn’t want to drive over after work just to sit around his house alone waiting for him to return.
what frustrates me is that he frequently tells me he’s too exhausted to do things with me, but somehow finds the energy when his coworkers invite him somewhere.
we argued again, and he called me selfish, hypocritical, and annoying. He said i was refusing to come over to teach him a lesson. He also brought up that he spends money on me, frequently drives to see me, and sacrifices rest for our relationship, which i do acknowledge.
i told him that i felt like he cared more about his coworkers than me. He denied it, and we ended up hanging up on each other.
i texted him afterward explaining that i just wanted him to consider our existing plans before accepting other invitations. He didn’t respond for over five hours and went ahead with the bbq.
i love him, and he’s genuinely a kind and generous person, but i’m tired of feeling like our plans are always the first thing he’s willing to change. We literally just argued about this exact issue less than a week ago.
aita for refusing to go over? I feel like he should’ve honored our original plans instead of expecting me to rearrange my evening around his coworkers.
#26 aitah for not sharing my snapchat password with my bf
my boyfriend and i have been together for the last three years, and initially, we used to share our passwords. We still share our instagram passwords. The thing is, i’ve been using snapchat for the last four to five years, even before i met him, and i have all my cringe photos, videos, family pictures, and literally everything on there. I just love having that space where i can take as many cringe pictures and videos as i want without worrying about anyone looking at them.
he had my snapchat password before, but he would save my cringe photos and videos and open the snaps other people sent me. He was way too involved in everything. He would literally go through every little detail what i sent, who sent me what, and what i replied. It was frustrating, and honestly, i just wanted some personal space without him constantly looking over everything i did.
fyi, there are no random guys on my snapchat. It’s just friends and people i know. I’ve even told him that i’m willing to remove them if that makes him more comfortable, but i’m still not willing to share my password because i consider snapchat my personal space.
his response is that there’s no concept of personal space in a relationship and that couples should share their passwords. I understand that some couples are comfortable sharing everything, and everyone has different views on this, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to follow the same rules.
now, he’s literally not talking to me because of this, and honestly, i find it so childish. I don’t understand why wanting a little privacy has become such a big issue. It’s not about hiding anything from him, i’ve told him he can check my snap whenever we’re together,i just want one space that feels like my own, and i don’t think that’s too much to ask for?
#27 aita for getting angry that my boyfriend entered my 3-year-old son into a lego competition and put down sets for himself?
my boyfriend not is not my son’s father (this is important). My son is 3.
a toy store was holding a competition where you could enter a child to win lego sets worth up to $1,500. You could list up to 10 sets, including their names and product numbers.
my boyfriend entered my son without asking me first. The form had a checkbox stating something along the lines of, “i, as the child’s parent/guardian, consent to my child participating.” He checked it and wrote down his own name.
however, that’s not what made me angry.
five out of the ten sets he listed were for himself.
and no, these weren’t sets he planned to build with my son. They were genuinely for himself to build and keep at his own apartment.
when i questioned him, he explained that he wanted to get as close to the $1,500 prize limit as possible. He also planned to enter my son into another competition at a different store, listing only sets for him there.
i understand his logic to an extent, but i still have a problem with it. Even if my son won both competitions, my boyfriend would still have used half the slots in the first competition to potentially win himself lego.
to me, it feels like using an opportunity intended for a child to get free stuff for yourself. My son could have had five more sets listed for him instead.
i know winning isn’t guaranteed, so i can’t literally say anything was stolen from him. But it’s the principle of it. Why use a competition entered in a child’s name to win things for yourself that you’ll keep at your own place?
i also got incredibly angry, to the point where i was physically shaking. I didn’t yell, swear at him, or call him names, but i told him i was absolutely livid.
i made it clear that i thought the original idea was lovely and appreciated that he wanted to get lego for my son. I would even have agreed to the entry if he’d asked me first!
my issue was that he consented to the competition as a guardian, despite not being my son’s father, and that he used half the available slots for his own personal collection.
i’m autistic, and sometimes i struggle to judge whether my reactions are proportionate, which is why i’m asking here.
am i overreacting? Is his explanation reasonable, or is it selfish to use half of a child’s competition entry to potentially win things for yourself, even if you plan to enter the child into another competition afterwards?
#28 my [21f] boyfriend [21m] and i have different views on working out, and i’m not sure how to look at the situation
i, [21f] and my boyfriend, [21m] have been together for a year now.
a couple of weeks ago, he suggested that i start working out with him, and that he opted not to go to a gym so we could go to a park and workout together. I’m not really a person who works out or is into fitness a lot, but i didn’t think it was a bad idea because i would get to spend time with him as well and it could be fun.
we were just discussing it and he suddenly says “i want a partner who works out and is into fitness”. This was the first time i’d heard him say something like that, in the past one year he had not once mentioned something about him wanting an active partner.
i just sort of paused and told him that if he wanted someone like that, he should’ve decided that a year ago before dating me and if he wanted one still, he was free to find someone like that. He got pissed at me and told me i take things very negatively and no part of what he said suggests that he wants another partner, and that i should know him well enough by now. I tried explaining to him that it’s not what he said, it’s how he said it. I was really open to the idea of working out together with him and had no problem whatsoever, in fact i was looking forward to it. But what he said kind of hurt me, and i did try explaining it to him, but he kept telling me that i take things way too negatively and something he never meant to come across like that is taken in such a bad way. He also said that even if he wants a partner who is into fitness, getting into fitness isn’t a bad thing in itself and would only benefit me. However, the way he communicated this made me feel like he was pointing out something about me that he wasn’t satisfied with, rather than simply encouraging me to try something new.
i’m just seeking some advice, what would you feel or do if you were in a similar situation? Because i feel his side is valid but at the same time i can’t decide if mine is as well.
tldr: my (21f) boyfriend (21m) and i have been together for a year. He suggested we start working out together, which i was happy about, but then he said he wants a partner who works out and is into fitness. This hurt me because he’d never mentioned it before, and i told him he should’ve considered that before dating me. He got upset and said i was taking his words too negatively, insisting he didn’t mean it that way.
#29 aitah for ignoring my boyfriend calls and texts after he tried to start drama with his ex?
we ran into his ex girlfriend at the mall and i knew it was her because my boyfriends mood dropped all of a sudden . We was having a good day and he turned into somebody i had never seen before . He was so angry. Started screaming at her was like “” you took me for granted see this girl i’m standing with right now. She’s the real deal . A queen and i’m going to give her everything . I’m going to give her the life you wanted all the vacations cars and everything . I told my boyfriend “ can you please stop . She didn’t even say anything to you and you made it your duty to walk over to her for what reason ?! “ I told him leave the past in the past . He’s with me and in love with me i don’t doubt that he’s in love with me but i really don’t want any problems with his ex . I don’t understand why he had to try to stir up trouble with his ex . He could have kept walking and ignored her presence.
my boyfriend told me “ she did me so dirty. She slept with another man right before i was going to propose to her. I even bought her the ring . Was gon purpose that same day. Imagine somebody looking you straight in the face telling you that they love you and then they do you like that. I would’ve never done that to her “ . I told my boyfriend “ i understand she hurt you but it’s been so many years since y’all broke up and you moved on . You might need therapy to help you overcome this . But causing a scene with your ex in public is not okay “
the only thing his ex said was “ i’m glad you are happy now and your lady is beautiful” and he screamed at her again saying “ yes she is beautiful . I’m never going back to you ever. I got a good thing going on with my girl . She uplifts me and encourages me. Hope you know and understand that.” And i told my boyfriend again please stop trying to start stuff with her. I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t thinking about him . She seemed to be minding her buisness until my boyfriend started trying to torment her on purpose .
now i’m second guessing my relationship with him . I’m glad he loves me and thinks highly of me and isn’t trying to get her back . But on the other hand i don’t wanna be with someone who instigated drama with his ex years after they broke up. He refuses therapy says he doesn’t need it also
he’s been calling me and texting me but haven’t answered because i’m unsure what to do or where to go from here
#30 aita for insulting my boyfriend’s english?
i (22f) have been dating my boyfriend (26m) for two years. He is originally from france but lives in the us. His english is pretty good and he’s able to have most conversations just fine, of course he does have an accent and makes occasional grammatical errors, but overall it’s pretty good and easy to understand.
i have been learning french for four years since my freshman year in college and i studied abroad in paris so i have a decent grasp on the language. I speak with him in french often because it’s his first language so of course he doesn’t mind, and i want to improve.
but he corrects my french constantly. From my experience in france it does seem correcting people is a bit more common, and when i studied abroad, i got corrected by french people all the time even for minor errors. I know he’s not trying to be mean and i do appreciate it sometimes. But there’s a difference between correcting someone when they ask for advice on how to phrase something or what word to use and interrupting a conversation to point out a mistake that doesn’t actually affect your understanding of what they’re saying.
in my experience, it’s not really considered polite in the us to correct an english-learner if they make a small mistake. The mindset is more “if it doesn’t hinder my understanding, it doesn’t really matter”.
i’ve mentioned this to my boyfriend before that he maybe should chill out a bit as if he were to do this to someone else they might perceive him as rude.
yesterday i was having dinner with him and i was saying something and said like un femme instead of une femme and he interrupted me mid point and corrected that. Obviously i know that the word femme in french is feminine, it’s one of the first words you learn and it’s quite obvious given the fact it means woman.
i was annoyed because i was talking about something serious. I switched back to english and said that his english isn’t as good as he thinks it is and there’s tons of stuff he says wrong yet i don’t correct him. I also said that we live in the us so i really don’t have any need to speak french so i frankly do not give a sh*t about sounding native if people can understand me.
he got really quiet after that. Later, he told me that what i said was cruel because he worked hard to learn english and that “english is harder than french” so i shouldn’t be disparaging his. I told him that i wasn’t trying to insult his english and it was pretty good, i just wanted him to feel how i felt when he constantly interrupts me.
now i think i may have crossed a line and been a bit too harsh. I do think his english is good enough, and i don’t usually notice or care about his mistakes. I was just quite frustrated and wanted him to understand my point, but i can see how what i said might have sounded like i was belittling something he’s worked hard on.
aita?
#31 expectations too high? [28f] [30m]
[f28] have been with my boyfriend [m31] for almost three years now. This is an intercultural relationship. I moved here and met him a year later. He was born in this country and has lived here all his life so naturally, as part of getting used to living here, i have familiarized myself with the culture and language here, and i would do so even if he wasn’t in the picture. But i feel like he hasn’t put any effort into getting to know my culture at all. This was fine for the first couple of years, but had started to bother me recently, especially when i see other inter-cultural couples who have been dating for shorter than we have, but the foreign partner already knows so much more than mine does. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but i see it too often to ignore. I have communicated this multiple times and have only seen one effort, which was him trying (and failing) to make a dish from my culture. I actually appreciated the effort.
he is overall a great person and a very accompanying partner with a healthy lifestyle, and we have fun together, but i have been thinking about our relationship when we’re not together and there are some instances and feelings that i just can’t ignore. I can’t help but feel that i’m just a milestone on his “life checklist”, as in you graduate high school, go to uni, get a job, get a girlfriend, and that he’s never taken the time to know me. This might sound a bit silly but i don’t feel like he’s curious enough about me. In addition to the culture issue, i have a private substack account that i’ve been writing in for years which he knows about, but has not once asked to read it. I have many more instances of similar nonchalant behaviors. What triggered writing this post is another post i saw on reddit of a woman saying she didn’t get pictures of her with her newborn at the hospital because her boyfriend didn’t even think about it, and for a second i thought that was going to be my future and i’m gonna end up heartbroken at different stages of life and carry this emotional weight with me.
i don’t see myself having the energy to date again. I can’t imagine myself asking for someone’s favorite color all over again. I want a family in the future and i keep feeling like time is running out.
so i guess my questions and what i need advice on are:
am i being immature and are my expectations too high?
is it too late for me?
tldr: boyfriend is nonchalant. Am i being insane?
#32 i love my boyfriend [21m] [20f] but he’s not thoughtful and rarely pays
my boyfriend, [21m ]and me, [20f] have been together for nearly a year now, i do really love him. However, he definitely has a spending issue and it has not been on me, which is fair enough as it is his money. He will constantly do things with his friends then when i ask he will say he can’t as he has no money. We recently had a big discussion about this and he thinks i’m trying to be “materialistic” and is telling me i am making him feel like he’s not enough. He eventually understood my side and said he is going to stop going out as he knows he has no money and try and save and be more financially responsible. I also lent him money to pay off his debts as i want to get him out this loop which he will pay me in instalments. He keeps getting my hopes up with activities and then saying we can’t do them. For example, there is this concert i wanted to go to and he knew that so he was going to pay for us to get us tickets, however last minute he said he doesn’t rlly want to spend the money on the tickets as he is trying to be more financially responsible.
this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
i feel like i’m being a brat. I just want to know am i the [jerk] for wanting experiences paid for and surprises? I’m not asking for the newest shoes or a designer bag, i literally just want like a few surprise nights away or like a bouquet of handpicked or like a nice meal even taking me on a drive to watch a sunset or something just thoughtful things i want and the concert thing made me really happy but then i felt let down and disappointed in myself for even getting my hopes up.
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| Arnold first Welcome Home Scholarship recipient | News | bryantimes.com |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (13 reads) | |
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A few weeks ago, the bryan area foundation (baf) named its first ever recipient of its welcome home scholarship.
addison arnold, a 2022 bryan high school graduate and recent business administration graduate of bowling green state university, moved back to bryan to work as a human resources assistant at bard manufacturing.
she received $10,000 to help pay off student loans.
“being the first ever recipient of the welcome home scholarship is such an honor to me,” arnold said. “It’s incredible to be a part of a community that chooses to use its money like this to pour right back into its members. For that i’m incredibly grateful.”
the funding for the scholarship came from the bryan high school class of 2025, which had about $11,000 left in its class fund when it graduated due to having to cancel the traditional eighth-grade trip to chicago due to the covid-19 pandemic.
dominic malanga, who was class president, and katherine thormeier, class vice president, contacted the (baf) about setting up something special with that money. Eventually, they decided on the welcome home scholarship.
arnold said receiving the scholarship will help her out financially, but it also encourages her to pay it forward to the community.
“being awarded this scholarship does feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders,” arnold said. “It is such a generous amount that i will be able to put back toward my student loans. This is helpful for me to be able to focus on other monetary goals of mine that help me plan for my future rather than just having to completely feel the weight of those loans.
“because i was awarded this scholarship, i feel an even stronger desire to show up for my community in return,” she added. “I plan to do this through coaching sports because they have always been a major part of my life. This spring, i will be a volunteer coach for the bryan high school softball team. It is also helpful to be inspired to give back working for a company like bard who has given so much to the community.”
the scholarship is designed to go to a bryan high school graduate who was living out of the city but decided to come back after graduating college.
for arnold, returning home means being closer to family.
“i decided to come back to williams county for various reasons, but one major part of it is because of my family,” arnold said. “I have always known that whatever i decided to do i would need to keep that close connection to them.”
she said she felt lucky to go to college at a school that was close enough to allow her stay in close contact, including watching her younger siblings play sports.
“now that i’m home, i am able to watch almost every game of my brothers and i’m so grateful for that,” she said. “I also have some of my best friends that chose to come home and my boyfriend, which has all made my transition back so much easier.”
she said the strong sense of community in bryan also helped make the decision to return an easy one.
“ever since i was little, every time i would leave town, i’ve had the desire to come back because there’s nowhere else that feels like home quite like bryan does,” arnold said. “I wish that one day i am able to give back to this community in the way it has always given to me.” |
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| Your complete guide to the candidates for governor - The Express |
| Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 00:00:29 PST (12 reads) | |
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Trending
harrisburg -- the 2026 election for pennsylvania governor is fast approaching.
voters will decide whether democratic gov. Josh shapiro should spend another four years as the states chief executive or grant his republican competitor, state treasurer stacy garrity, a turn at overseeing a vast state bureaucracy that implements programs and policies ranging from elections to environmental policy.
shapiro, 53, is hoping his years of executive experience will convince voters that he deserves a second term fulfilling his long-held pledge (one that has morphed into an oft-repeated slogan) to gsd, or get stuff done. Also considered a 2028 presidential contender, shapiro has raised tens of millions in campaign contributions to bolster his reelection, and recent polling shows him with a commanding lead in the race.
garrity, 62, also boasts a resume that includes years of executive leadership. But from the start, she has been the underdog -- viewed that way even by her own party. She has aligned herself closely with president donald trump, telling spotlight pa, who doesnt want to make america great again? But she has also tried to temper certain maga positions, waving away previous comments questioning election results and saying she would handle tariffs differently than trump has.
she has trailed shapiro in both the polls and fundraising. Her criticism that shapiro is using pennsylvania as a stepping stone for a rumored 2028 presidential run does not appear to have resonated strongly with voters -- at least based on polls showing her trailing the governor by double digits.
whoever wins will land a job that comes with vast powers. Pennsylvanias governor sets policy priorities, helps steer a more than $50 billion budget through the state legislature, makes appointments to state agencies, boards, and commissions, and grants pardons (or commutes sentences) that are recommended by a state board.
democrat josh
shapiro
shapiro, who is from montgomery county, has spent the majority of his career in public service, including three two-year terms in pennsylvanias general assembly and six years as pennsylvanias attorney general.
throughout his first term as governor, the democrat has prioritized boosting funding for public education, increasing government efficiency, jumpstarting the states agricultural sector, and bolstering economic development and job creation in the state.
despite his willingness to strike deals with republicans on historically difficult or complex issues, hes struggled to secure approval from a divided state legislature for some of his top priorities. Republicans who control the senate have blocked raising the minimum wage, enacting stricter gun laws, and passing nondiscrimination protections for lgbtq people.
the legislature has also rejected shapiros repeated calls for raising new revenue, including legalizing recreational marijuana, and creating a new regulatory and tax framework for skill games.
finding compromise with gop lawmakers on the state budget has also been a fraught process all four years shapiro has been in office, with budget deals landing past the june 30 deadline -- and in some years, creating major hardship for nonprofit organizations that rely on timely state funding.
as a result, shapiro has used executive orders in his first term to enact certain policies without legislative approval. On his first day in office, for instance, the governor signed an executive order to remove the four-year college degree requirement for thousands of state government jobs.
since then, hes also signed executive orders to speed up the process for obtaining occupational licenses; develop a master plan for improving access to services for older pennsylvanians; and create a new office to redesign state websites to make them more user-friendly.
beyond executive orders, shapiro has used his executive powers to usher in portions of his agenda, including his administrations 2023 decision to implement automatic voter registration.
still, the democratic governor has managed to find common ground with the legislature on certain priorities, namely, increased funding in the state budget for public schools.
recent polling shows shapiro with strong approval numbers, and he is the clear favorite to win in november. A poll commissioned by the philadelphia inquirer, the new york times, and siena university in late august found 60% of pennsylvania voters have a favorable opinion of him. The poll also showed the democratic governor held a 16-point lead over garrity among likely pennsylvania voters.
his popularity, in part, can be explained by how visible shapiro has made himself throughout his first term. He has a near-constant presence on social media and has shown a penchant for taking his message -- and, as the case may be, his brand -- directly to voters, and often in non-political settings.
hes a frequent guest on sports talk radio, and regularly attends high-profile sporting events (from football to nascar to the special olympics). Hes also been a cheerleader for the state to play host to major events (think this past summers world cup games).
but given his rumored presidential aspirations, hes never far from politics: hes a frequent guest on national television, appearing more often than not to criticize president donald trumps policies and actions in office.
in fact, the governor has made pushback against trump a cornerstone of his first term, touting among other things the number of times hes sued the president and won. Many of those suits have challenged the loss of federal funding, while others have targeted the trump administrations requests for personal data on pennsylvania residents.
shapiro has also turned his opposition to trump -- and garritys alignment with the president on certain issues -- into a campaign platform. Democrats supportive of the governor have attempted to paint her as a threat to elections and reproductive rights, among other areas, highlighting past statements disputing the results of the 2020 election and celebrating the u.S. Supreme courts overturning of roe v. Wade. The democratic governors campaign has also tried to portray garrity as a proponent of little to no regulation for data centers (though both shapiro and garritys positions on the issue are far more nuanced).
his running mate is democratic lt. Gov. Austin davis, a former state lawmaker from allegheny county.
his top donors include billionaire former new york mayor michael bloomberg; philadelphia-based local union #98 ibew committee on political education; the greater pa carpenters pac; democracy pac ii, which was started by democratic megadonor george soros; and silicon valley executive christian larsen.
republican stacy garrity
garrity, of rural bradford county, spent the bulk of her career in the private sector, working her way up the ranks from cost accountant to vice president of government affairs at pennsylvania-based global tungsten & powders, which makes powders used in electronics and tools.
she is also a retired u.S. Army reserve colonel who deployed three times, in operation desert storm, operation iraqi freedom, and operation enduring freedom. Garrity received two bronze stars and the legion of merit award for her service.
garritys first venture into politics was an unsuccessful bid for the gop nomination for a 2019 congressional special election. Party officials subsequently asked her to run for state treasurer, and in 2020 she took the office in a major upset, beating the incumbent democrat by less than a percentage point.
from that first campaign, garrity has framed herself as a committed conservative and loyal ally of donald trump. She went on to win her 2024 reelection campaign easily, racking up the largest vote total of any statewide candidate (and beating a record previously set by shapiro).
pennsylvanias treasurer is responsible for stewarding state dollars, which means both making sure bills are paid and investing savings. The office reported last year that it is overseeing $180 billion in state coffers and directly managing more than $55 billion overall. The treasurer also sits on the boards of pennsylvanias public pension funds.
during her time in office, garrity has balanced nonpartisan priorities, like cutting program fees, with partisan ones like supporting the israeli government.
an early priority was getting treasurys 529 college and career savings program upgraded to a coveted gold rating. The office succeeded -- pennsylvania became one of just five states with gold-rated 529 plans. Treasury also eliminated the minimum deposit to open a 529 account, lowered minimum contribution amounts, and reduced fees.
as many treasurers do, garrity has also championed returning unclaimed property to pennsylvanians, proposing legislation to allow the office to return unclaimed money under $500 without requiring a claim to be filed with the agency. The bill became law in 2024. Her campaign estimates that all told, treasury has returned more than $1 billion in unclaimed property during her tenure.
from the beginning of her first term, garrity was an active member of the state financial officers foundation, a national conservative nonprofit that works with treasurers and other public officials. Its priorities include support for the israeli government and opposition to environmental, social, and governance, or esg, initiatives -- investment strategies in which the goal is to push corporations to change their behavior.
garrity pursued both of those priorities. After boosting the states israel bonds investments by $45 million, she campaigned at an israel bonds gala. She told spotlight pa the investments, which came after the oct. 7, 2023 attacks, were simply a sound financial decision.
theyve never defaulted, they pay an above-market rate of return, and ... If you can get a good return on your investment, and at the same time support our biggest ally, our only ally in the middle east, then why not do it? Its a win-win, she said. (In 2021, garritys then-chief investment officer warned her that israel bonds could actually be risky.)
during last years extended state budget impasse, garrity inserted herself into the proceedings, an unusual step for a treasurer. She used unallocated state dollars to set up a $500 million program that offered loans to counties, nonprofits, and some other state-funded entities that had their usual payments frozen.
the program was widely seen as a political gesture meant to offer a contrast to shapiro, who at the time was negotiating to end the budget impasse -- something garrity denies. It was absolutely not political, she told spotlight pa.
in her biggest race yet, garrity is leaning into a message that shapiro is untrustworthy. Shes also focusing heavily on pennsylvanias rural areas -- speeding up permitting for farmers and increasing natural gas production.
both she and shapiro have made recent turns against data centers, even though they were both initially supportive of the economic activity the projects could bring.
but with little money on hand, it has been difficult for garrity to communicate her message to voters. As of june, shapiro had more than 34 times the cash on hand garrity did.
her running mate is jason richey, a longtime construction, real estate, and commercial law attorney at pittsburgh-based multinational law firm k&l gates.
her top donors include university city housing co., A real estate firm owned by charter school founder michael karp; pittsburgh-based pac keystone honor, which is funded by manufacturing and construction interests; longtime gop power broker bob asher and his pac, pa future fund; and skill games company founder michael pace, from whom garrity reported accepting a flight worth $33,500.
between sept. 15 and oct. 19, garrity raised almost $5.4 million, much of it tied to the skill games industry.
libertarian ken krawchuk
krawchuk, based in abington, the same town shapiro lives in, is the only third-party candidate for governor on the ballot this november.
his campaign website describes him as having founded an it consulting firm, and says he currently works as a business architect for the pharmaceutical, insurance, and financial markets.
he is running, he wrote on facebook, to give pennsylvania voters more than the same two old stale choices. He appeared somewhat surprised that garritys campaign didnt challenge his spot on the ballot in august, writing that the silence was deafening, and that he and his running mate are now solidly, irrevocably on the ballot.
krawchuk says he favors completely privatizing schools and eliminating school property taxes; getting rid of the states personal income tax over the course of a term; getting rid of mail ballots and expanding voter id requirements; eliminating parole for violent criminals; and decriminalizing drugs.
his running mate is john thomas of somerset county, who describes himself as a career educator in traditional public schools, a private school, and cyber charter schools.
on the issues
abortion
garrity says she is pro-life, with exceptions for rape, incest, and life of the mother. She sold defund planned parenthood t-shirts during her initial run for office, and posted on facebook in 2022 that the end of roe v. Wade would be a great day for the sanctity of life.
shapiro supports using his office to keep abortion safe, legal, and accessible in pennsylvania.
data centers
although he championed amazons investment of millions of dollars for a data center buildout in pennsylvania, shapiro recently toughened his stance on data centers, setting stricter environmental and transparency standards for new developments in the state.
garrity hasnt released a detailed plan, but says she favors mandatory rules not tied to climate and a pause on data center development.
economy
garrity says she would call a special session on energy affordability and ask the legislature to cut taxes and eliminate hidden costs on electric bills, roll back or eliminate the gross receipts tax on utilities, end tax stacking on energy bills, require full transparency of all taxes and surcharges, and fast-track bringing new power plants online to meet demand and keep costs low. She also says she would launch an initiative that will redirect existing state spending, investment accounts, and interest earnings toward property tax rebates for homeowners.
shapiro has touted his administrations ability to attract private sector projects to the state, including an eli lilly glp-1 factory, an urban outfitters distributorship, and amazon data centers. Earlier this month, he announced that greek yogurt-maker chobani is planning to invest $1.2 billion to open its first dairy manufacturing operation in the state in the lehigh valley, and will use nearly a third of all milk produced in-state for its products.
in all, according to a news release, his administration said it has attracted over $43 billion in private-sector investment and created more than 29,000 jobs across the commonwealth.
elections
shapiro has staked many of his policy stances on elections in opposition to president donald trump, while struggling to pass new election laws through the divided state legislature.
garrity has indicated she would defer to trumps election priorities, but her state-level legislative priorities are less clear. She questioned the results of the 2020 presidential election on multiple occasions, saying at one 2022 political rally that trump defeated biden.
energy and environment
garrity says that the free market should solve environmental issues and that of course theres climate change, but im not sure as to what extent.
shapiro has made energy and the environment a key platform, although his actions on some of those issues have not always aligned neatly with members of his party. Hes lobbied for and received federal funding for hydrogen production, and clawed back a program put in place by his democratic predecessor, tom wolf, that limited carbon emissions from power plants.
garrity and shapiro primarily diverge on what kind of energy they want the state to produce: shapiro supports an all of the above approach that includes clean energy like solar and wind alongside oil and gas, while garrity wants to dramatically increase natural gas production.
lgbtq rights
its unclear where garrity stands on many lgbtq issues. Her campaign would not answer questions from spotlight pa. She has, however, been outspoken that transgender girls shouldnt participate in womens sports.
shapiro has vocally supported lgbtq rights throughout his career.
recreational marijuana
legalization
garrity does not support legalizing recreational marijuana and says she would veto any such bill.
shapiro supports legalizing recreational marijuana and has asked the general assembly to create a program run by the state department of agriculture in each of his yearly budget proposals. The tax revenue would help the state pay for rising healthcare and education costs.
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