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| Posted on Friday, March 05 @ 00:00:45 PST |
Sometimes life seems pitiful and dark. Sometimes it feels like the world is crashing down around you with no end in sight. Sometimes it feels like all those years of pain and terror, yeah all of them. Can be buried deep, hidden in a deep world of the vast unknown. Yeah, maybe it’s not as easy as it sounds.
I myself have tried to escape reality through writing. I have friends who resurrect the dead in the characters of their fiction. Forcing reality out of the picture. Clinging to what is broken or missing in the real world. For some friends, is as simple as a hidden fantasy. A world all their own where they feel safe and free to be themselves. I get that.
For me, writing, so often has been the escape. The hideaway from reality. The great divide. The great release. A character can handle it. A character is a way to project some of that hurt. To give you guidance or just to help you figure out what you’re seeing and feeling, you know. But, then it gets hard. Hard in that in my many escapes from reality I for the first time in many years hit the drought. But, then I began to write something, so different. So, painful that only the grace of God could see through. That only the grace of God could give me the strength to press on with.
That was me. Writing stories of kidnapping, abuse, hard topics that people shy away from. But something that speaks, so deeply to my soul I can’t resist. How is it that pain and trauma, so easily intermix? How is it that hope could come from something like that? The truth is simple. I don’t know, but pray to God I can see this through and find the hope that He wants me to find.
Hope is something I have definitely struggled with recently. Just knowing that my pain isn’t going away super easy and I still have strong flashes of pain, from time to time, but knowing that God will be with me and help me see through to another day. Even when it seems annoying. Like a friend from college texting me. Just one text, but just the thought of that wonderful human thinking of me brought a smile to my face. We’ll see if she responds! Nice thoughts though. Least for me as I go to bed soon! Ha. The story of my life endless exhaustion.
But, today in my sleep haze. My constant exhaustion I found a delightful distraction, but also encouragement I, always am, so grateful for. I have a tough story to tell and God clearly wants it told through this different lens, but alright.
I’ll admit I’m grateful very grateful for my friends. Age is just a number. I feel for my friend struggling to find someone interested in his book. My heart goes out to him because he struggles with computers, but finds the courage to try. I fear my own journey down that path at some point, but I know it’s a weird world out there. We all write different and that’s a great thing.
I’m grateful that I popped on when I did and my friends gave me ideas how to explain to the kids about my belly. It’s hard to say I can’t snuggle you. You have to stay off me. As the incisions are still there and uncomfortable as are the other weird pains, no where near the gallbladder. Who knows. Trapped gas the culprit again I’m sure, but who knows.
Today I had chicken, rice, soup, again. Guess what it was spicy. I can not catch a break with pepper these days. Any pepper and I’m gone. Its spicy, followed with some cucumbers and frozen blueberries to cool it down. Never thought I’d need to do that. I’m grateful though to have done some editing, played some games, and just take it easy today. I’m finding that a little movement is okay, but a lot and I’m down for the count, so please pray for that.
Please pray that the healing will come in due time. Please pray for strength.
Truth be told I’m glad I made it into my bed. For a girl who does little to nothing. I am, so tired and I slept in. I just don’t know if my body can handle some of these things. But, we’ll get there eventually and with the right doctors I hope! I appreciate all your prayers and kind thoughts during this time. Your love from afar and your likes and follows! Thank you for encouraging me to be me and supporting me. I feel free and I hope you feel free to be you here too, our little secret. Life is to crazy to want to be a clone.
I hope you sleep fabulous and I’ll see you tomorrow! Love you!
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