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| Home / College Guide / COLUMN: 'You Are Not Alone' In Tuscaloosa |
| Posted on Thursday, January 09 @ 00:00:18 PST |
[Schools](/alabama/tuscaloosa/schools)
COLUMN: You Are Not Alone In Tuscaloosa
Tuscaloosa Patch founder Ryan Phillips shares his thoughts after a TikTok video gave him perspective during a stressful time of year.
*This is an opinion column*
Ive been up on the mountain and Ive seen His wondrous grace. Ive sat there on a bar stool and Ive looked Him in the face.
- Tyler Childers, Universal Sound
Find out whats happening in Tuscaloosafor free with the latest updates from Patch.
TUSCALOOSA, AL — Itll probably come as little surprise to anyone who even halfway knows me that Im not overly fond of this time of year.
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Like most of you, Im sure, Im financially tapped out from the holidays and exhausted from the rush. Im also emotionally spent from a Christmas season that produced several tragic cases of senseless violence in our community.
And to make matters worse, Im currently fighting off the same head cold/flu crud that seems to be dropping folks left and right. So, as I write this, dear reader, keep in mind that Im far from my best self.
But as I stretched out on the living room couch late Tuesday night, trying my best not to cough up what felt like bloody razor blades, I was sent a video of a young woman and University of Alabama student named Jamie Causey.
The senior public relations major from Alexander City is an emerging TikTok personality with over 26,000 followers and regularly posts affirming snapshots of her life as a student at The Capstone. Causey told me she would love to work as an academic advisor at UA after graduation and, by all accounts, she is a force for positivity on social media at a time when such is in rare supply ... especially from your curmudgeon of a narrator.
If Im being honest, I rolled my bloodshot eyes at the thought of watching what I thought would be yet another silly TikTok video of yet another college girl telling me about her day-to-day.
After all, Im a serious newsman, dammit, and I dont have the time, much less the energy, for such inconsequential frivolity.
Or so I thought, anyway. And for some reason I still cant explain, I decided to watch it.
Wouldnt you know it? As my crummy attitude always seems to have a way of doing, I was stopped dead in my tracks the second I made such a selfish and prideful presumption.
The video, which had been viewed over half a million times and received almost 81,000 likes as of the publication of this column, started innocently enough as Causey began talking about the beginning of the spring semester.
[Click here to watch the full video](https://x.com/JournoRyan/status/1876849377735565603)
Causey mentions crying on the phone with her Mama — nothing uncommon for homesick college kids — before going on to talk about how she felt out of place at the school she loves so much.
The sick and dehydrated skin of my brow no doubt wrinkled with concern at that last revelation, though, as she went on to lament issues with her minor course of study and how she has tried to make the best of her undergraduate experience despite not being one of the many in sororities.
Youve seen the masses of excited college freshmen ladies in all sorts of media stampeding to receive their bids like the bulls in Pamplona. Its an exciting time that is a big positive for our community, so Im not here to pass any kind of judgment against them or the Greek system.
Objectively speaking, though, its an exclusive event that many dont get to participate in.
Nevertheless, Causey showed an incredible degree of bravery in her video — a display of public courage that your narrator is incapable of — as she made herself vulnerable in the grinning face of such a brutally toxic and hateful world, opening up about being a senior who had yet to find the It friend group for her.
Im constantly floating in and out of spaces and Ive attended Get On Board Day to look at clubs [at the University of Alabama], she said through tears in the video. Its hard to say youre not happy at a school you love so much.
I want to acknowledge that I feel like a lot of people have a lot of emotions right now coming back [to school] so I wanted to post this and say youre not alone, Causey added. Sometimes its very hard to not have that key set of friends to share your life with. I know there are people like me here, people not like me here, but I just wanted to post this to be real and honest but also encourage anyone [to know] that I feel the same way you do. I know you miss home. Maybe youre struggling with classes. Maybe [its] your major, maybe not having friends. Im a senior and I still go through it, so dont feel like youre behind or have to have it all figured out.
Struggling to breathe, running a fever and with a stuffy head that felt like it weighed 50 pounds, I set my phone aside and cried like a child for over an hour. I tossed and turned through insane fever dreams the whole night.
But every time I woke up in a cold sweat, my throttled mind snapped back to that video and her story.
Indeed, I couldnt get past how relatable and honest it was as she put her heart on full display for a world that seems to lack empathy more and more each day.
It also instantly transported me back to my undergrad years and I laid awake staring at the ceiling thinking about when I left home for the first time to attend the University of Mississippi — a school with literal ivory towers that this redneck kid from Tuscaloosa County viewed as highfalutin and in a town where I didnt know a single soul.
I was the first in my immediate family to graduate from college, didnt come from money and, even if I had, the fraternity life never really appealed to an artsy-fartsy type like me.
More tears flowed from my aching face in the overnight hours as Causeys words reminded me of a quiet night on The Square in Oxford, sitting alone at the bar in Proud Larrys for my 21st birthday — the week after I had moved to Mississippi.
There had been no party, no celebratory round of free drinks and no friends present as I paid my own tab with tears in the corners of my eyes.
Ive gone through my share of trials and self-doubt since then but to this day Im not sure Ive ever felt as lonely as I did that night.
And when I saw Causeys video, the thought of anyone else feeling like that ripped my heart from my already aching chest and stomped on it in front of me.
Like Causey, though, I didnt give up and count myself fortunate that I eventually found a small group of friends before the start of my senior year in Oxford who shared a common love for music.
We became roommates, started a short-lived rock band and still keep in touch when we can nearly a decade and a half later. But again, I got lucky that the stars aligned to meet those fellas.
As my fever seemed to boil to a pitch Tuesday night, these emotions bubbling to the surface compelled me to share Causeys story in the hope that her positivity and similar longing for a place in the sun would mean something to somebody — anybody — in our community like it had to me.
I decided to post the aforementioned video to my social media channels and almost immediately was stunned at the outpouring of support as folks shared stories of overcoming crippling loneliness quite similar to the anecdotes I just provided.
Here are just a few of the comments (edited for clarity):
Watching this hurts. The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. Even with being in Greek life, that doesn’t always fix those feelings, trust me.
Be kind to the people you meet, you never know what they’re going through behind the scenes. I hope she has her best semester yet.
I moved to another state for college. Wasnt in any clubs. Also, as someone with anxiety, it was hard for me to step out of my comfort zone and make friends (especially when I don’t drink). I was lucky to meet two people in my dorm who are my friends to this day (graduated in 07).
Shes braver and stronger than I was. Made it one semester at UA before transferring back home for exactly the same reasons shes saying here. Its an awful feeling! I wish I wouldve stuck it out but I chose the easy way out at the time.
This breaks my heart. I wish I could give her the biggest hug. She’s such an incredible human to use her vulnerability to make other people feel less alone.
Its crazy to me how someone so genuine and kind doesnt have a friend group but the crazy alcoholics do. College sucks socially, thats why I just spent all my free time at sporting events or watching at the bar! I get her because I still love Mizzou even tho the kids sucked lol.
This broke me. What a kind and loving soul. I hope she has the best year of her life and I’m rooting for her happiness.
I hope she gets everything she wants in life.
I remember how alone I felt my freshman year at Bama, how homesick I was, and how hard it was to find my footing and make friends. Keep pushing, Jamie, and anyone else who shares those struggles. Praying everyone has a great semester/year ahead.
Oh [Jamie], there are so many of us who share your experience! There were many moments were I felt as though I was missing out on something when I wasnt part of Bama Greek life, even though I knew it wasnt really for me. I hope you have an AMAZING semester, filled with memorable moments and new friends. Roll Tide girlie! Youve got this!!
I am impressed with this young lady and know there are others in college who feel the same. I think we have this ideal of what high school should be, what college should be, what young adulthood should be — and when reality doesn’t match the ideal, it feels like a failure.
These were just a handful of the numerous comments across my social media platforms that caused me to step back and reassess what I was seeing.
Indeed, Causey was offering insight into a kind of pain many of us know all too well as she publicly shared her struggles. But as a result, she brought out so much good will and humility from our community in Tuscaloosa and at the University of Alabama — a rare thing in a day and age when derision from faceless online trolls dominates public discourse.
Above all else, it showed me that there is still hope for empathy and self-awareness in such a mean and superficial world.
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out, Causey said in response to scores of affirming comments, before offering her own ear to listen to others who may be in a similar situation. I love my Bama family with all of my heart.
I encourage you as a personal endorsement, dear reader, to find Jamie Causey on Instagram at @jamiemcausey and at the same address on TikTok.
Have a news tip or suggestion on how I can improve Tuscaloosa Patch? Maybe youre interested in having your business become one of the latest sponsors for Tuscaloosa Patch? Email all inquiries to me at ryan.phillips@patch.com
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