| Home / College Guide / Even with Vin Diesel, XXX runs on empty |
| Posted on Sunday, August 04 @ 21:14:51 PDT |
After testing Xander in a series of trial-by-fire battle conditions and giving him the titular code name of XXX, Gibbons dispatches Xander to Prague to infiltrate the inner circle of a former Russian extremist cadre called Anarchy '99 (which sounds a lot like a title of a really bad drum n' bass compilation).
Of course, XXX's devil-may-care attitude helps him to discover that Anarchy '99 hopes to release a toxin called Silent Night into the atmosphere over every major city clandestinely, thus causing the government of every nation to wage war against one another. What, no sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads?
Rick Wilkes' script is unconscionably terrible, ladling out heaping portions of risible dialogue and characters with no substance that switch sides with the greatest of ease, but the least of explanation. The movie's action sequences and acting - you read correctly, acting - almost, sort of, make up for it.
The scene where XXX outruns an oncoming avalanche that he himself induced to elude a pack of adversaries is one of the best action segments of the summer.
Vin Diesel, stout and guttural-sounding, is the perfect man for the role, and even working with crummy material, he has the panache to nearly make it work.
And Jackson, working in his over-the-top stock in trade, is always a pleasure.
While the heavy-metal soundtrack, featuring the likes of Rammstein, Drowning Pool, Hatebreed and their ilk, may be felicitous to the frantic pacing and the subject of the film, it doesn't make it any easier on the ears. Sorry, allow me to flex my editorial muscle - I hate metal.
What's worse is that XXX plays like an X-Games commercial. How many Vans or Billabong logos did I spot on camera? The answer: far too many. And honestly, does Tony Hawk have to make cameos in every damn movie aimed at teenage boys?
Oh, did I fail to mention that rapper Eve is in this flick? Well, unfortunately for her fans she's only in it as long as it took you to read the previous sentence. Blink and, oh wait, she's already gone.
The title of the film might evoke some double-entendres, and though XXX contains smut film-quality writing, it may go over with some because of the spoils of its exorbitant budget and a few quality performances.
All in all though, you may feel more guilty in the end watching XXX than a smut film
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